Are we voters, or are we denser?

This article and accompanying Bertoon appeared in The Malta Independent on Sunday.

Dense and denser

Turnout was low. Incredibly low. Notwithstanding heavy investment in a campaign that urged voters to use their prerogative to determine who will best represent them in Brussels, most voters preferred to cock a snook at all things Bruxellois and deserted the polling booths in their masses. At the end of the day, all heads counted and all desertions considered, we ended up with the ignominous figure of 43%. That is the number that counted. Whatever Lawrence, Joseph and Arnold had to say should have been paled into relative insignificance considering the huge disappointment that the 43% would end up representing.

Of course that is not really the case. While the European Union project was busy coming to terms with the fact that the turnout for elections to what is supposed to be its most democratically representative institution had once again fallen to a record low (43%), we were busy drawing our own interpretations of the various figures churned out by the voting population of this isolated island. Oh island in the sun (willed to me by my father’s hand)… so detached from the mainland realities. Or is it?

In actual fact the interpretations and readings of last week’s election results are as colourfully variegated as a kaleidoscope. It is the kind of result that spinmeisters can dream about – one that allows for a multiplicity of conclusions all of which contain a relative amount of truth. In fact, Maltese Relativism delivered its little baby and the banners of mediocrity could be seen flying from Hamrun to Pietà in equal measure. Inevitably J’accuse was busy drawing its own conclusions – sophistry mingled with oriental poetry allowed us to shoot pills of j’accuse wisdom at whoever cared to listen beyond the partisan cacophony.

Lest I be accused of ignorance by pedants of the musical persuasion allow me a little clarification before we proceed. Today’s grand title is an intentional perversion of the lyrics of a song by “The Killers”. In their song they ask “are we human, or are we dancer?” – don’t ask, just enjoy the song. I’ve chosen to play on the misheard lyric purposely by asking the question that is a corollary of Norman Lowell’s assertion d-day after… when we state that our population is the densest in Europe are we unconsciously formulating a not-so-elaborate pun?

Of agony aunts and earthquakes

First the victors. In this case victory is in the eye of the beholder. A 55% share of whoever bothered to vote, three actual seats in Brussels and one observing (all of which without achieving a full quota) and before you know it it’s an earthquake of the coalition of the progressives taking us in the direction of a successful change. Add on to that the not so dismissable fact that Joseph’s was a rare “socialist” victory considering the unexpected drubbing the European Socialists suffered as a whole and you will begin to understand the earlier allusion to a “kaledioscope”.

To the labourite hardcore, fed up with GonziPNs arrogance, incompetence, misery (insert other adjectives of choice) this was one hell of a morale booster. It was amusing to see comments peppered around the net comparing Inhobbkom Joseph to Mintoff the Saviour. Progressive indeed. Mine is not a nationalist spin jibe but rather an observation. The contradiction between the message of “coalition of change” and the actual support reflected in this vote was evident for whoever cared to look beyond the wave of red flags in Hamrun.

People on the same wavelength as J’accuse who have long advocated the need for change in Maltese politics were nowhere to be found in this earthquake. Much as Joseph would like to believe that his gargantuan share of the vote meant anything more than a tap on the back from a mixture of hardcore reds and disillusioned pale blues, J’accuse is prepared to wager that none of the real elements of the much needed change will fall in behind the ex-Super One journalist who is only proving to be adept with catchy confusing catchphrases.

Jason Micallef’s miserable performance on Bondi+ was all we needed to confirm that when it really matters the PL will find little has changed since the halcyon days when Alfred Sant actually obtained more votes than Joseph Muscat. (Yes, I don’t think it is insignificant that Alfred Sant’s MLP 2008 got more votes than Joseph Muscat ‘s PL 2009). Gleeful Jason seemed like Smeagol as he glared at Lou and PBO while informing them that Labour had now become a well-primed Agony Aunt Machine capable of lending a sympathetic ear to whoever wanted to complain about his “hurts” at the hands of evil Gonzi.

Micallef seemed oblivious to the fact that his party actually enjoyed the votes of people like the “nassaba” (trappers) who are convinced that voting Labour will get them their hobby back. Actually he was not oblivious he just believes that there is nothing wrong for them to vote Labour if they are royally pissed off at GonziPN. … EVEN IF Labour can do nothing at all to change their situation. In statements that epitomised all that is wrong with Maltese politics and the race to mediocrity Jason told us that it was only the trapper’s opinion if he believed Labour would give back his hobby. You see… Nationalist deception is wrong, Labour deception is actually a voter’s mistake. What a load of codswallpop.

The same line of reasoning ran through the whole shebang of local issues tackled by Jason the footsoldier. Top it all up with the promise to repay VAT on cars even if Labour loses its case and you can see what mediocre values have been triumphantly parading behind a useless percentage. J’accuse’s haiku summed it all up: “labour empathy/vote a shoulder to cry on/get gvern tal-biki”. J’accuses’s first conclusion: there is as yet no progressive movement, there is as yet no coalition for change – there is simply a movement of disgruntled voters with absolutely no agenda except that of removing Gonzi from power. Not much of an achievement there.

On the failure of Pick’n’Mix

Which brings us to the shambles leftover from GonziPN 2008. I’d love to say that they did not know what hit them but it would have taken a blind hermit who spent the last year in exile in Alaska not to notice that this was coming. What was baffling was not the sinking of the ship (long overdue) but the ungraceful manner in which this happened (and is still happening). Forget Sharon Ellul Bonici’s mixed metaphors (that’s one ship that never sailed by the way), here was the relative winner of last year’s elections suddenly finding himself at the helm of the Titanic staring a huge iceberg in the face and denying its very existence.

I’m not one to enjoy rubbing salt into wounds (if wounds they are) but many problems we had warned about surfaced as the results seeped slowly and agonizingly out of the Naxxar storm. First and foremost the utter failure of the Pick’N’Mix rainbow formula was dramatically evident as Roberta (Metsola Tedesco Triccas) hung on till the last minute expecting the windfall inheritance that never came. “Each to his own” seemed to be the motto in the internecine warfare that bared the ugly side of “Flimkien kollox possibbli”. They had not only ignored intelligent, reasoned appeals to cross-vote for efficient representation – they went one worse – they failed to transfer votes between themselves. Pure nationalist genius.

On the other hand the Super Simon Says Busuttil card also backfired. A record number of votes for one single person and not much to say for it. It reminded me of Coleridge’s lines “water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink”. There sat Simon all alone surrounded with piles and piles of votes and virtually no-one to inherit them. The second-string “cult status” campaign that had already been experimented with GonziPN last year did not really work out this time and only served to get the likes of John Attard Montalto and Joseph Cuschieri in with a smile.

So the protest vote won the day but judging from the rumours coming from the PN Parliamentary Group Meeting the knives were out and the blame game had only just begun. Interestingly, if the rumours are correct, the veil of humility worn so blandly by Simon Busuttil on Bondi+ does not seem to work behind closed doors. Thanks to the mess the PN finds itself in we might be heading for less communication and more jobs for the boys.

On gossiping and witch-hunts

The most shocking result of these elections insofar as J’accuse is concerned was related to how the Queen of Nationalist Spin and her followers lost their cool (if they had any) soon after the results were out. Desperate to find scapegoats for the failure of the Taste Campaign they quickly identified persons who decided to openly back Labour this time round. The baying hounds yelled Blue Murder while the nationalist version of Cuschieri quickly took her own advice to Lawrence and went for the jugular.

The “victim” in question happens to be an old course and work-mate of mine who goes by the name of Michael Grech. Apparently the major sin Michael committed is that of allegedly having worked as a government consultant only to switch to voting labour when push came to shove at (European) election time. Enter Daphne as she launched a tirade on Michael’s law firm accusing them of having curried favour with government and having obtained jobs through connections only to have bitten the “hand that fed them” at election time.

I was absolutely flabbergasted at the crass stupidity behind this attack. It was not so much the reasoning of someone “owning” someone elses vote that struck me as ridiculous. Neither was this blatant terrorist-like tactic that has been seen time and again in that blog – remember the “wasted votes” and the “objects of hate”? No. There was more to it. Most of the commentators rabidly reminded Michael Grech in absentia that his law firm only got favours from government because of its connections. Now nobody is in a position to verify or deny that, but the fact remains that in the mind of the commentators this was true.

What irked the Daphneites is not the fact that a law firm could obtain jobs out of favours and not out of merit but rather that one of its members would dare to vote against the party that fed it. I repeat, J’accuse has no idea if any of the allegations made with regard to consultancy agreements are true or false. I worked in that law firm as a budding lawyer for around six months and I’m afraid my work in the firm was limited to gaining knowledge of the operations of the Small Claims Court before I moved on to working in Anti-Trust – I wasn’t exactly privvy to any dealings with governments.

The title of Daphne’s masterpiece? “Staunch Nationalists don’t vote Labour”. Spiffing isn’t it? The duopoly is dead, long live the duopoly.

On the bloody rest

And as the smoke from the cannonfire subsided a dejected Arnold Cassola decided to take the responsibility for a failed green campaign. Alternattiva are now sadly on life-support and it would take a miracle for the party to survive on the current plan. J’accuse will go on repeating that the only campaign worth fighting for by a third party is a reformist campaign. Forget the fake progressives and the headless nationalists. Unfortunately, even before one sets off on that gargantuan campaign of taking on the giants one would have to convince the people- that very demos that masochistically keeps punishing itself and reneging its prerogative of electing proper representatives.

It’s been a weird election but funnily enough it exposed a lot of home truths. Some “anthropological” studies were quoted by somebody in order to denigrate people who use their vote as a form of protest. These studies point to Sicily and the land of omertá. Actually the beautiful island to our north might have much to teach us. For example with regards to our political class a friendly Sicilian advice would be “arbulu ca non fa ciuri e non fa frutti tagghialu di sutta”, and I guess they mean both zokk and fergha.

As for the ridiculous and fascist attacks on individuals exercising their prerogative to vote for (and back) whoever they like the people on the receiving end would do well to remember “assai vali e pocu costa a malu parrari bona risposta”.

Jacques still has much more to say about these election results so add http://www.akkuza.com to your bookmarks and join the live debate.