J'accuse: Telegraphic

This article and accompanying Bertoon are published in today’s edition of The Malta Independent on Sunday.

There are days when no matter how much I try, I fail to find a topic that will serve to meld together the little fragments of information of the past week. In such cases I tend to roll my eyes in autistic desperation while hoping for some divine intervention that will unblock the inevitable flow of words that normally follows the general thrust of the aforementioned umbrella topic in the manner of a smoking locomotive on a binary track.

Rarely, very rarely, the bloated muses of the hebdomadal columnist fail to turn up for their weekly appointment. I am therefore left stranded up a narrow, faeces-infested inlet while riding a primitive form of maritime transportation bereft of any form of mechanical propulsion – or as my girlfriend insists I explain – I find myself up shit creek with no paddle. Literally speaking that is.

A newbie to the Maltese blogging world (and an interesting specimen at that) this week stated: “The migration of J’Accuse to the print media marked an end to that blog’s cult status, the domestication of an avant-garde.” I beg to differ. On second thoughts I don’t even beg. I assert my disagreement with the utmost conviction and determination. To my mind, the only deterioration since the aforesaid migration has been the lugubrious long-winded verbosity that weighs down the measured thoughts that would otherwise have been expressed in telegraphic form on the blog of “cult status”.

In other words J’accuse is about as “domesticated” as a wild zebra named Spartacus so we assiduously resent that accusation. “The Malta Pamphleteer”, for that is the name of the anonymous blogger who dared ruffle the feathers of this (wild) peacock, is worth a read though – if you can stick through J’accuse’s 2000 word weekly digest then you can definitely survive a dive into the Pamphleteer’s politico-historic evaluation of liberty and Giorgio Mitrovich. It’s a read-only project for now but could be an interesting basis for discussions on the role of a liberal democratic party in Malta. The only pity is that maltapamphleteer.wordpress.com risks becoming as long-windedly indigestible as J’accuse on a bad day. A very bad day.

Back to this week’s business. It’s been a colourful one with a cornucopia of bloggable news. Pity that J’accuse has to cope with a full-time job and could only just scrape a few posts here and there. It’s not the kind of thing to complain about – a full-time job – especially since the day is still far off when J’accuse can be gainfully employed solely from his writings – consider after all that the partisan sources of plentiful cheques made out in exchange for brainwashing marketing of coolness, blurredom and other trish-trash do not probably see us in the best of lumières. The best way to see what happened last week is in a telegraphic tour-de-force. In the words of the poet: let me entertain you.

Dublin, Ireland

So the people of the Emerald Isle said “yes”. When the voters bothered to turn out, the “ayes” had it with a reverberating 67 per cent that would make an MP sitting on a relative majority bench turn green with envy. The story of why the Irish accepted the Lisbon Treaty after a second reading is not easily discernible. It was the same treaty with the same arrangements. The shameful practice of resubmitting to referendums what has already been decided does tend to make a sham of democracy as we know it and should embarrass the most devote of Europhiles, but sic transit European politics.

A case has been made for the fact that the supposedly inefficient pre-Lisbon system was not actually bogged down by the enlargement to 27 member states and that all this talk of streamlining was not really necessary after all. The Czech president has made sure that champagne bottles are not prematurely popped by requesting some last minute footnotes to the treaty – something that is not likely to happen. In any case Tony Blair is warming up to become the first President of the European Union, and Kissinger’s rhetorical question of “Who you gonna call?” is finally answered: and the answer is definitely not the Ghostbusters.

Reaction in Malta was best summarised by the disappointingly unprogressive “Yay we’ve got the extra seat” that carried the embarrassing implication that il-Partit Laburista’s major concern about the Lisbon Treaty was that Joseph Cuschieri would finally be gainfully employed.

Copenhagen, Denmark

’Twas in Copenhagen that the IOC announced that Lula’s Rio de Janeiro had the upper hand over Obama’s Chicago for the hosting of the 2016 Olympics. The designation of Rio did occur last week and so technically should not be appearing in this round up, but it is linked to something that we have to say later so it is worth another mention. The nation whose motto is “Order and Progress” and is ably led by a true socialist thus becomes the first of the South American nations to host the Olympics.

Once again Brazil takes a leading role among its neighbours and the nation with a great sporting tradition and new economic force pipped none other than Obama’s adopted hometown to the final line. Obama came under huge criticism from Republicans back home for sounding too much like the mayor of Chicago than the President of the USA. Funnily enough, even the citizens of the windy city questioned the wisdom of investing money in an Olympic bid rather than spend on more pressing needs closer to home. A bit like Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando insisting that this is not the time to spend money on frivolous capital projects like Piano’s plans.

London, United Kingdom

The British won their bid to host the Olympics four years ago. They do not seem to have had enough of bidding for great events and are all intent on hosting the 2018 Football World Cup. They came in for some criticism this week when CONCACAF president Warner (and FIFA vice-president) noted sternly that unless they enrol some heavyweight sponsors their bid to bring football “home” (yes, they still whinge about this home business) could be severely dented.

Someone should also tell England that 1966 is significant to their nation and their nation only. Have you ever heard more glorious World Cup footballing nations like Uruguay (and they won the World Cup twice) moan on and on about bringing football back to its 1930 home? Football coming home? With over 50 per cent of the players in the English Premier league being non-British you really have to wonder what they are on about!

Rome, Italy

The prize for media-stirring popularity this week must go to Italy’s cruise line entertainer turned media magnate turned head of government Silvio Berlusconi. The former Milan president (you have to remind him of his glory days before his austerity and bad luck led the team to their current doldrums) had another heavy week that falls heavily under Murphy’s Constant of “if things can get worse… they will”. As if being accused of entertaining prostitutes was not enough, Berlusconi had to hear this week that the challenge to the infamous Lodo Alfano that guaranteed him immunity from legal attacks while in power was anti-constitutional.

The first reaction was abandonment. Berlusconi stated that he was tempted to leave the country (as spinoza.it put it, they started to air the rooms in Hammamet as they had done for Craxi). Then, as is usual of il Gaffissimo, he counterattacked. Suddenly the decision of a constitutional consult was the result of a massive conspiracy worthy of a Dan Brown novel. His worst performance was still to come. Phoning in on the programme conducted by lapdog Bruno Vespa, Berlusconi suggested, somewhat fantastically, that (communist) president Napolitano should have “done his duty” and influenced the constitutional decision to defend his immunity.

Earlier that week, Berlusconi’s lawyers had defended him in court in what has become known as the “Animal Farm defence”. They had argued before the court that the immunity of the Presidente del Consiglio was justified because “although all politicians are equal, some politicians are more equal than others”. Berlusconi will not quit without a fight and promises to govern for the full mandate nonetheless. He also promises to be as gaffe prone and irreverent as usual – witness his debacle with Rosy Bindi (OK, not the sexiest of politicians) when he informed her that he always thought that she was always “more beautiful than she was intelligent”.

Brussels, Belgium

Our man in Brussels put his foot down and rightly so. Commenting on the Asylum Package before the Civil Liberties Committee of the European Parliament, EPP MEP Simon Busuttil said: “This is a defining dossier, and the ball is clearly in the Council’s court… This matter is all about solidarity, and voluntary solidarity is really a joke. Some countries don’t want to help.” So a spade is a spade then. Busuttil is shaping up to be a heavyweight boxer when it comes to telling off other EU member states about their responsibilities when it comes to burden sharing.

Bravo Simon. This is just what we need – to get the issue of compulsory burden sharing straight on the agenda and stop dilly-dallying with the states that wish to escape the commonality of the problem at hand. I’m all with Simon on this one – until the problem of migratory flow is tackled, there must be a clear awareness (and compulsory set of obligations) that this is EVERYBODY’s problem.

Elsewhere in the city that always stinks, the Commission announced that it would not pursue the issue of VAT on registration tax with Malta any further. Which only means that the original law was wrong (EU wise) since the Commission is only dropping charges as the new law fulfils Malta’s obligations. The PL is going for the jugular – the progressive populists want the money back for all the VAT paid on the old regime. Which begs the question: Why not also ask for a refund of the previous rates of departure tax?

Worse still, I do believe that for all his newly sprouting think tanks (deities weep as we speak), Joseph Muscat has not really done his long-term homework. Cases of adjustment of laws infringing EU legislation occur quite regularly across the continent. Most times laws are rectified before any Commission action is taken and before any EU fines are forthcoming. This business of claiming the money anyway might be all fine and dandy for the vote dispensing progressive population, but it sure does no good to the coffers of the exchequer. If I am not mistaken Inhobbkom J is counting to make use of such coffers in the near future and he might find himself in the uncomfortable position of facing similar lawsuits based on his own shortsighted precedent.

Oslo, Norway

Yes he can. Barack Obama bagged the Nobel Peace prize during his first year in office. A commentator in The Economist described this achievement as applauding the tenor for clearing his throat. Even Obama himself was not quite sure whether he truly deserved it YET. Truth is that Obama’s determination of achieving a nuclear free world cannot be overlooked – even if this has to be to the detriment of the likes of Zimbabwe’s Morgan Tsvangirai. Obama’s best moments have been as a bearer of hope to a people and a world that is beaten and down and out. Acknowledging his fervent enthusiasm and hard work can only help inspire others with the same morale and confidence he carried so wonderfully during his election campaign.

Luxembourg, Luxembourg

It’s been quite quiet in the Duchy this week. It’s been mostly sticky grey weather and work. The greatest bit of news is that finally the young and old men of the émigré community will finally have their very own five-a-side football tournament. I’ll report on progress in that department if any of you is interested – most info could be found on that blog of “cult status” better known as J’accuse.

Have a nice weekend!

This week http://www.akkuza.com was accused of losing its cult status since migrating to the Indy. We’re flattered to think we even had one… can you confirm it?