Dear God,
It’s been a long time. It’s J’accuse speaking, but today and for a few more days to come you can call me Charlie. Excuse me if I don’t follow the protocols you dictated to/inspired the various prophets when it comes to addressing your divine self. It’s just that you have not been too present, have you? Still, I’m not using your name in vain because I needed to speak to you and it’s common usage to address someone using their name.
Anyway. You probably (some would say definitely) know what I am about to say and why I have re-opened this channel of communication. They’ve got hostages now. Yep, this morning. They got up (from what was surely not a comfortable sleep) hijacked a Peugeot and apparently have taken someone hostage. They’ve got kalashnikovs and a rocket-launcher for good measure. I don’t know if you’ve realised (technically you have) but they claim to be doing all this in your name.
Yep yours. And if this is not using your name in vain then I do not know what is. Sure, humankind has been doing things in your name for ages. Gott mit uns! Nobiscum Deus! We never learn. It’s also easier to blame the heavenly landlord especially when he has turned absentee. You see where I am going don’t you? Yes, I’m blaming you God.
According to the books and the prophets it was much simpler in the past. You got angry. You turned up in some burning bush or other manifestation and made sure that people understood how furious you were. Damn right. Pillars of fire, pestilences, storms, etc. Remember Sodom and Gomorrah. Ah those were the days. Patti chiari, amicizia lunga. No patronising intermediaries interpreting and executing. No Siree. It was you in all your glory. You saw, you disliked, you punished with gusto.
Where are those bygone days? Apparently after JC things went sort of awry. Gone was the God of Moses and Abraham and in stepped the intermediaries who “interpreted” your will and your laws. You went silent and your silent was deemed to be acquiescence. Chi tace acconsente. Oh yes we had a multitude of interpreters telling us about self-determination and control of one’s own destiny.
But there would always be the busybodies. In Maltese we say “a hundred men a hundred opinions” and Adonai do we know how bad opinions are when it comes to religion. Also the “men” section of humankind with all their pent up anger and sexual frustration (Freud came too late to explain) really endeavoured to turn all this into a hard time for everyone – especially the weak. Interpretations of your will and the ideas of those speaking in your name became more and more dubious – but you remained silent. Surely that meant they were right?
Even Ridley Scott got the wrong end of the stick when he revisited the story of your interaction with Moses. So little God, so many special effects and scientific explanations for plagues and storms. I promise God, Exodus as interpreted by Hollywood is a complete waste of time. By 2014 you became a cockney speaking little boy having a battle of wits with Batman (sorry, Christian Bale) as to who has the strongest power to sway a pharaohs opinion. See? We have forgotten how mighty your Word was. It’s been such a long time since the beginning. Too much absenteeism and the landlord’s tenants are running amok.
So yes. I blame you when two idiots with the IQ of a vegetable arm themselves to the teeth and wreak havoc in the onzieme arrondissement all the while claiming to do it in your name.
Really God, are Gabriel, Michael and the rest all on Sabbatical too? Wouldn’t one quick missive from the celestial levels -a little cherub – do the trick? Just whisper in their ears that Charb and Co. are really, really funny and that they too perform your will on earth by spreading smiles and keeping the right people on their toes. Because you too have a sense of humour and you like that kind of thing don’t you? How else do you explain the platypus and Maltese politicans?
Instead nada. We have silence. Don’t give me that storms nonsense. You know the type – there are people down here who claim that you send storms and other abominations to punish us for such sins as gay marriage. No cryptic messages. No rainbows or sandstorms. What we need is a good clear voice in the sky that reminds these freaks who are committing all sort of atrocities in your name that they are not on your side.
Really God. It’s that Simple.
Just say the Word.
regards,
Charlie.
