Tony Blur – Marisa's Metaphors

There’s an appalling letter in today’s Times of Malta signed off “Marisa Micallef – London, UK”. I am not sure if this is not the same Marisa Micallef who is currently the toast of opinion columnists and journalists alike (along with Jason Micallef and, to a lesser extent Claudio Grech) for having created newsworthy material there where there was none.

I am only thankful that my breakfast consisted in a skimpy gluten free waffle with lemon curd and PG tea beacuse whoever this particular Marisa Micallef is she sure made the paltry contents of my stomach make a run for the first exit. The letter is one big overused and exhausted metaphor about the tribes of the blues and the reds (seen as the “blurreds” – Even Jesus Wept – by the outsiders) and about how King Blue was much nicer as the Prince who took care of the poor than as an absolute ruler (albeit democratically elected). It is also about the half-blood prince (or as she sees it – the son of a mixed blue and red family) who is now challenging the greedy establishment.

The whole plethora of deities in Olympus, Valhalla and Paradise wept after this letter was penned and sent to the Times. That people in this day and age cannot call a spade and spade but prefer to speak in “in-your-face” metaphors about “they who cannot be named” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) is baffling. There is an embarassing moment of conniving conspirancy that the writer wants to create with the reader – you know who I am talking about (wink, wink) but I am not going to call them by name (nudge, nudge). Little does the writer know that the absolute lack of effort to decipher the maskèd personalities in her parable can only mean one of two things: either she thinks her readers are stupid, or she she is simple.

Now. Having said that, I am sincerely hoping upon hoping that the parable writer in question is not the person who has just been engaged by Malta’s new Labour because of her “blur-eyed” vision (as the metaphor writer would have it). This would not just be a faux pas, it would be an end before the beginning. It would be a bit like Sol Campbell’s fleeting adventure with Notts County – 90 minutes of third tier football before realising that the team he joined was not exactly up to scratch. [click on Read More for the letter in full]

The letter as it appeared in the Times of Malta:

The ‘blurred’ kingdom – Marisa Micallef, London, UK

There was once a very pretty little kingdom tucked away in a beautiful sea. It was made up of two peoples who were very similar to each other but who each had been brainwashed to think they were very different. One were known as blues and one were known as reds and they led very separate lives. Outsiders called this the kingdom of the “blurreds” because everything in this kingdom had become so confused, difficult to unravel and fake.

The democratically-elected king was from the blue tribe and had been loved as a prince. His father had made him in charge of society’s poorest and he did that job well. When he became king, though, he became too close to certain vested interests. He controlled most of the communication in the country. He started to believe his own propaganda. His judgment became clouded but he didn’t want to give up these contacts, who were powerful and kept him in power.

As a consequence, strange things started to happen. People who were caught receiving large bribes were let off with nothing. Young people who were caught with drugs were sent to prison. The king came down hard on mothers whose fathers didn’t support them but was happy to finance students with four times as much money as he gave these mothers. The king was very clever and knew he would gain popularity if he kicked the same single mothers he used to so lavishly support when he was a prince.

The king wanted one National Day allegedly to bring his subjects together because even he was getting tired of the terrible division. He felt his kingdom was happy and fair, so why didn’t everyone else? To be honest, he was worried. Even his blues were getting tired of double standards. So the king suggested a day that was dear to the blues and less to the reds, so the reds sighed because they too wanted to feel part of the kingdom but they wanted their part in history to be recognised too.

The king said his three priorities were jobs, education and the environment.

Jobs were usually there but the best jobs and positions were reserved for the blues. The reds had to be punished because 20 years earlier they had led a rebellion and their leader had done some bad things. The children of this kingdom were the most heavily tested in the whole world. There was huge stress among them and their families, which didn’t become less when the king made a former teacher their minister, as the system remained unchanged. And the environment in this kingdom was awful. Cancers were on the rise and the dirty dust-filled air was making blues and reds very unwell.

Some blues and reds continued to talk to each other despite the risks. Eventually, the reds had a new leader who, in fact, was the result of a union between a red family and a blue family. The king was incensed. The order went out to rubbish him, to question the value of the cars he and his wife rode and other pathetic attacks. The ruling blues hated to see wealthy reds. They even alleged he was anti business and, because most of the media was controlled by the king, many believed it.

The trouble was the king and the few blues who really ran the kingdom and took all the profits had got so used to this state of affairs and thought it was theirs by divine right.

It wasn’t just the reds who suffered. Anyone blue who didn’t toe the line 100 per cent feared for their business, their children being refused certain jobs and more. The king had discovered there was no need to use prisons or violence. You could control people by controlling their earnings. The trouble was that, although people had accepted this state of affairs for many years, they now wanted to give the half red, half blue leader a chance but they were scared.

Whatever would happen next?