Miss-ing the point

I might be mistaken, and it might be a namesake but it might also be the case that an old hero of J’accuse – subject of many an early an edition – has just made a brief reappearance on the pages of the Times. Back in the days when Facebook was not around to provide the panem et circenses it was TGIL that brought back readers time and time again. Thursday was Lorna Day on the Times and she would baffle us with her extraordinary unparalleled mastery of the Butchered English language.

With the advent of such gems as Maltastar and Times Comment facilities her product did not remain so unique and gradually The Dame of the Grammatically Challenged vanished from the pages of the ether. Sadly so. We miss her ventures and repartees at whatever social caste might be irking her ambitions. We miss her mangled manifestations of displeasure at charity collectors in main gate and her rabid harnguing of the knights that would not accept her. We still treasure her description of J’accuse as “the luxembourger that smells of gozo cheese” in what was probably (and unintentionally) one of the first exchanges across the lines between the blogosphere and the printed press.

Well. Here is the Times letter today in all its integral integrity. Lorna Vassallo now Pace (if the same Lorna it be) is concerned with the HSBC’s inability to upgrade her status to Mrs.

Last June I got married and immediately notified HSBC Bank (Malta) plc of the change to my surname. [You can picture the bride posting the letter on the way to her honeymoon] I gave and signed all the relative documents I was asked to. Soon afterwards I reported that cheques I issued could not be encashed and, after many phone calls, officials found out that the new master cards were never processed. This situation embarrassed me no end. [Embarassed me no end? – hmmm]

Later on, when I received statements, I was still referred to as Miss and the surname was still my maiden one.

A variety of correspondence [HSBC Correspondence comes in variety packs] was sent to me as Miss and some others as Mrs, then again back to Miss [ah. the problems of married life]. I made several verbal complaints through customer service [verbal complaints… not worth the paper they’re written on] and also wrote e-mails in the hope that this petty [a self-incriminating statement? An admission of pettiness] issue will be resolved. This was from July 2009 to December 2010.

February 2010: I received my first quick cash card with my maiden name. This time I wrote a letter addressed to the chairman and I never received an acknowledgement, let alone an apology.

A few days later I received a replacement of the card with my new surname but just a couple of days later I found another quick cash card in the post with the old maiden name – back to square one. [My god… maiden troubles indeed]

What I would like to know is how a bank of international stature does not have a centralised databank whereby all information about each client is the same no matter, especially on an island as small as ours. This in spite of the insistence on automated systems (and of course lack of personal attention). [What next? Hand engraved quickcash – bid-dedika?]

Also, the bank charges clients heavily for mistakes like overdrawing on a cheque account – sometimes the charge is more than the amount overdrawn.

Am I to understand that in the case of the bank making mistakes left, right and centre, I am going to be compensated for wasting my time, energy, phone calls, stationery and postages? [wasted postages – now that’s a real problem]

Good luck to Lorna Vassallo Pace in her battle with HSBC, there’s no doubt that battling the bureaucracy of a big bank can always be frustrating. In any case if it’s our good old TGIL I think that congratulations are due. If not then it’s incredible how the inimitable style just wears onto people with the same name.

For old times’ sake here is a link to an old J’accuse TGIL post: Everything but the Girl