Author: Jacques René Zammit

It’s really not as boringly predicatable as one would have thought it would be. The Malta EP election campaign is what I mean. We do not even have to rely on the usual renegade Mad Hatter style parties to be ever so mildly entertained and distracted from the usual banter of pot, kettle and prefabricated argument. Nope indeed. The good old political establishament have conspired (s0 to speak, but this ain’t no conspiracy theory) to give us the Full Monty and repertoire of entertaining Circus Acts with a splash of new. It’s a bit like watching a remake of an old film… only the new actors manage to spice it up that little bit to make you stick to the screen and thank an unspecified deity (for fear of censorship) that you did go for the large bucket of popcorn and humungous cola.

Thusly J’accuse’s vouchsafeing that the Old Record of MLPN yarn will not return to the turntable becomes a reduntant reality – a statement rendered useless by the circumstances. What we meant of course was not that the yarn is not valid but that we are so utterly bored of repeating the obvious that we would rather beat ourselves senseless with a pala tal-bajtar (leaf from prickly pear plant/cactus) than go through the whole shebang again.

You see, we need not remark that the MLPN (now joined by an AD that still gives the impression of having converted to old style politics) are still engaged in a race to the bottom that will probably  force the WWF to declare the last few free thinking brain cells on the island an endangered species (or part thereof). We don’t need to remark that because the caravans and bandwagons of electoral opportunism have reached bottom-of-the-bucket scraping proportions and the race now seems to have taken the shooting- from-the-hip twist wherein every effort to outdo the opponent involves the spouting of more bovine excrement than is seen in most Corridas in Iberia come the summer months.

Nothing better illustrates the carnivalesque debate we are forced to witness than the  Missy Roberta (RMTT) vs Marlene Mizzi exchange of letters. This cat fight of sorts was overladen with clichés and as Petty as Missy Roberta would like to deny. RMTT is fast becoming the political equivalent of a UFO. Ever so eager to stand out from the rabble of contestants she is increasingly transforming into the summa cum laude personification of the type of product a party gone wr0ng can produce.

Confusing controversy with reason is one of RMTT’s recent gaffes, not to mention a desperate will to stick out of the crowd of co-contestants. Now sticking out of the crowd of a cohort of similar minded candidates would have been difficult enough to handle for the wannabe green-christian-democrat. Imagine the desperation when there is a whole kaleidoscope of candidates vying for the media limelight. Add in a dash of Simon Busuttil, the PN’s last minute superman who has mastered a promise for EP candidates to follow rules on transparency that will have to be implemented anyway  anytime soon and you begin to understand why RMTT threw her (feather)weight behind those 14,000 people wanting their VAT on car registration back – and chimed in with Inhobbkom’s Labour.

Of course we still have to wait for people like Vince Farrugia to give us more of his entertaining sketches while gentlemen who sound as political as OJ Simpson (yes, I am referring to Kirill Micallef Stafrace and his one liner downers on Facebook or Mr Cuschieri and his “il-haddiem fl-Ewropa”) will add to the galaxy of non-entities all wanting a piece of the pie.

We’re only warming up and Joseph Muscat’s plan on immigration or the Nationalist’s meisterplan on one-upping the greens on the green agenda is only beginning to hit the public. Trust me, there’s entertaining days ahead on the island of milk, honey and flashlight politics. Somehow John Zammit’s promise of a nudist colony on Comino does not look so fantastical after all.

I leave you with this gem from Roberta Metsola Tedesco Triccas’ article aptly entitled “Let’s Remain Rational” (or as I would put it … Carry on Being Rational)- my highlights and my comments in brackets:

A case in point is illegal immigration. We, as a country (We, the People tipo), are faced with a situation (erm niffaccjaw sitwazzjoni?): We have a problem! There is at present a state of national worry that is as widespread as it is diverse in nature (sometimes we are forced to admit that TGIL was not alone… here is a beautiful phrase that the Dame of Grammatically Incorrect could only dream of writing) . There is not one single Maltese or Gozitan who does not have immigration high on their agenda of concern (don’t you just love it? What’s your agenda of concern like?) , such concerns being made up of the whole spectrum of possibilities straddling the extreme positions and anything else in between (Warning: She did start the article by mentioning quantum physics so do not be surprised that her phrases defy the rules of time and space). What is particularly worrying is that certain political leaders, has beens or wannabees (That’s just about the whole spectrum of straddling political positions isn’t it Bobby? Can I call you Bobby?) , are going out of their way to ride on this genuine concern of our people, fuelling emotions and offering nothing except a heightened level of hysteria and collective panic. This is beyond irresponsible, beyond pettiness (pettiness – she loves this one – the final frontier!)  but outright dangerous in creating a potential powder keg (Well if the powder keg is potential it’s not quite as dangerous, unless of course you espouse the theory of George Dubya who was quite capable of creating an excuse for war out of potential WMDs), the explosion of which would damage our society beyond repair (Potentially I guess).

This has been J’accuse… setting your agendas of concern, so you don’t have to!

Change

“Because of the ruggedness of the climate and the environment, because of their pride, the people have lost the will to “do” and to change, because they feel that theirs is the perfect nation. Therefore, any attempt to change the country would be destined to fail because it would find opposition among the very same people. In any case, the Prince thought that the new government would bring nothing than a worse fate for the people.”

That is my paraphrasing of the words of the Italian author Tommasi di Lampedusa in his classic novel “Il Gattopardo”. I often return to the main themes in this book as a sort of guidelines for understanding what Malta and the Maltese want. Much to the dislike of the scoundrels and patriots of this rock, it is easy to substitute “Sicilians” with “Maltese” in the text of Tommasi di Lampedusa without losing one iota of meaning.

I occasionally chat with an acquaintance of mine about Malta and the Maltese and he likes to point out that the collective mentality of Maltese is one of constant opposition to change. The status quo is comfortable, reassuring and probably safer than the dangerous unknown of changes to come. Now I I have always felt an affinity to such concepts as change ever since the good old days when along with a few “revolutionary” colleagues of mine we set up the Liberal Reformist Society at the Saint Aloysius’ Sixth Form, much to the dismay of Fr Cilia and other well-intentioned jesuits.

The halcyon days of revolutionary fervour and clearasil dominated mornings are long gone but the affinity to change has stuck and is the cause of much frustration when I observe the goings on in the island of milk and honey. Change, it seems, is good for the slogans of the Neapolitan and Piemontese princes who alternate in the running of our kingdom – from il-Bidla tkompli (the Change Continues) to the infamous Iljuni tal-Bidla (Lions of Change) both sides of the great divide have been quick to wave the flag of progressive improvement in the guise of that simple monosyllabic battle cry of “Change” – it’s what you want.

Slowly however, as the partisan crust falls off our besotted eyelids we might gradually begin to understand that the change that is much trumpeted in popular propaganda is one that is more akin to an aside by Tancredi in “il Gattopardo”. Meanwhile, as the Prince of Salina, points out in poignant fashion – a change of government (Kings, Prime Ministers… what’s in a name) will only mean a change of accent. “Dialetto torinese invece che napoletano; e basta” – little does it matter if in our case it is a Bormla accent versus the one from Burmarrad.

Spots (Changing them)
“Tutto questo non dovrebbe poter durare; però durerà, sempre; il sempre umano, beninteso, un secolo, due secoli…; e dopo sarà diverso, ma peggiore. Noi fummo i Gattopardi, i Leoni; quelli che ci sostituiranno saranno gli sciacalletti, le iene; e tutti quanti Gattopardi, sciacalli e pecore continueremo a crederci il sale della terra.”

Il sale della terra – the salt of the earth. The untouchable elite of political power. Lampedusa borrows a biblical expression “salt of the earth” (Matthew 5:13) to describe how the rulers who retain a hold on the land (even when their quality deteriorates from that of Lions to that of Jackals) will continue to think of themselves. Salt of the earth, the bees knees – the answer to all the problems. Even when their fountain of ideas dries up and their values become tradeable items in order to retain the status quo they will be unaware of the level of decadence and the worsening of situation.

Since I kick-started the new look blog on the 10th March I have made a resolution to change the old record which interprets everything in the light of the effect of the MLPN stranglehold on Maltese politics and how it is responsible for the race to mediocrity and for the exaltation of relativism. Fair enough. It’s hard to let go of this obsessive addiction when you are very convinced that all we need to kick-start a new way of running the country is new ideas, new inputs and preferably new parties with a real spine and backbone not ones that morph according to the straw poll results. Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating… so let’s start…

Values (adapting them)
Assuming that political parties do not calculate every step in according to its being a magnet for popularity removes the very measure with which we have viewed their actions until now. So we must begin to question again. My first question is a gamble in itself. In fact my attention was piqued by two articles in a rival weekly paper last week that appeared on the same day.

First we had an article discussing recommendations made by Parliament’s Social Affairs Committee with regard to illegal gamning arcades. Now the word “illegal” in that phrase begs some questions of its own especially since by admission of the Finance Minister the arcades are not directly violating any law but rather stand in a limbo of non-regulation. What that means is that there is no clear regulation prohibition of these arcades and in fact the Committee recommended proper regulations be drafted. In the meantime however it is a legal nonsense to suggest that the arcades are illegal until the regulations rendering them illegal is actually drafted. There are after all such principles as Legal Certainty and Legitimate Expectations.

What was commendable however was the intention behind the committee’s actions. After hearing “heart-rending accounts of people who fell prey to these addictive outlets” the committee moved a number of recommendations in order to prevent such problems from being perpetrated. The underlying message was one of the need of prevention and education so that as few Maltese as possible fall into the dangerous habit of gambling. Bravo! It seemed that a clear position in line with the general “Nanny State” syndrome that seems to be very much in vogue was in the process of being outlined here.

That impression lasted until I clicked on another article in the same issue. The headline? “World’s largest bingo hall” comes to Malta”. Bingo.com,an online gaming facility had just been granted licences from the Lotteries and Gaming Authority. Calling itself “the world’s largest bingo hall” the company boasts of 1.95 million registered members with an estimated 800 new users registering every day. The company was granted Class 1 and Class 3 licenses which allow it to operate online slot machines and pool bingo. It is one of 320 online gaming companies granted licences in Malta by the LGA.

Now beat me up with a baseball bat if I am wrong but I do detect a slight whiff of contradiction between the messages sent out by the Social Affairs Committee and the general tone of celebration whenever we attracted such valuable foreign investment from Gaming Companies. Far be it from J’accuse (us being the fence-sitters par excellence) to be on the side of the gamers or that of the despisers of one-armed bandits but independently of what I think about gambling and gambling addiction, the conflict of messages is worrying. So which value will our party in government espouse – that of protecting people from an addiction by restricting such activity or that of cheering in jubilation when a company that exposes millions of people to the pleasure of gambling decides to pay its taxes in Malta?

Well. So long as Bingo.com is precluded from offering its devilish services to the puritan Maltese all should be fine and dandy right? No way Jose! What would you say if Rebecca Gompaerts’ ship complete with portable abortion clinic were to set up base in Malta in order to save on taxes? Would it still be kosher? How long before our Bishops send the mutaween to arrest the infidel? Does your point still remain that it’s ok so long as the Maltese cannot avail themselves of the service?

Lines (Between them)
“Queste brutte cose si dicono al confessore, non si raccontano alle signorine, a tavola; per lo meno quando ci sono anch’io.” Sometimes it’s all about how and when you can say and do things. Last week we learnt that humour is not for our country. Wasn’t it Joseph Stalin who said that a happy country has no need for humour? Well, we must be very happy in Malta because even at the height of carnival – a festival of satire and merriment – humour became the cause of an arrest and a suspended jail sentence.

We are unable to read between the lines most times and it is no consolation that we are not alone. Georgia has had to pull out of the Eurovision because its song that took a potshot at Putin was not found to be funny by the organisers. In Thailand, the publisher of a popular online newspaper, Prachatai was arrested after a reader posted a comment deemed offensive to the monarchy and finally, the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at Dubya (and missed) was jailed for three years.

Sometimes you have to be more than an expert in reading between the lines like when Austin Gatt’s Ministry decides to address the press. Bear with J’accuse while it tries to follow the trail of reasoning in an affair bungled by both the Ministry and Damage Limitation Elves involved in “Updating” (another Newspeak euphemism) articles on the online version of the Times.

It all began with a “breaking news” on the Times site which reported that Austin “Powers” Gatt had decided to “Privatise the Road System”. Unfortunately I am not endowed with a photographic memory so I cannot remember word for word the article on the Times. What I do remember is that the content of the article prompted me to post on my blog (post called “Roadrunner”) in direct reaction to what seemed to be prima facie a ludicrous suggestion.

It took a number of updates and clarifications from the Ministry for the announcement to switch from something that seemed like a general privatisation of the road system to a convoluted legal agreement that basically means that the government is handing over into private hands that which it cannot do itself. Maybe, just maybe we might have avoided adding toll booths to the innumerable traps that seem to be laid along the road in order to drain your pockets as you commute on the only reasonable form of transport available to you till now.

Somehow the whole Times/Ministry exercise seemed to be a Newspeak collaboration of government and paper as yet another knee-jerk set of plans (uncharacteristically for Gatt) suffered the consequences of hopeless presentation. The Indy did pick up on this confusion the next day and tried to clarify the situation with Ms Amanda Ciappara – HMV at the Ministry who was originally “reluctant to give information” and only “gave in” to pressure by an obstinate journalist (I assume it was Francesca Vella – good on you!).

In the end we have vague ideas and promises to go into further detail later on. In other words it was an attempt to pepper the voters with more claptrap that had gone horribly wrong. Thank God that there was at least one set of journalists ready to question certain inconsistencies rather than wallpaper it with updates.

No Change (evidently)
“Se vogliamo che tutto rimanga com’è, bisogna che tutto cambi…” This good thing has come to an end for another week. Next week I hope to speak further about this problem of change (or lack of it) – meanwhile enjoy the polyvalent candidates for the EP election as the parties continue to try to prove that kaleidoscopic value-nets is what you really need. Who needs jackals and hyenas when we have such beautiful chameleons?

This has been J’accuse unmasking the post-carnival antics here and at http://jacquesrenezammit.com/jaccuse. You can comment with the courage of a lion or scavenge with the opportunism of a jackal…in any case you can always bet that you’re more than welcome.

Minister Austin “Powers” Gatt has announced that due to the horrible state of the roads in the Republic plans are on the line to privatise the Maltese road system.  From the Times:

Roads Minister Austin Gatt said today with the current standard of the road network being unacceptable, the government intends moving to a system where a private contractor would be responsible for the roads. (…) A spokesman for the Roads Ministry explained when contacted that plans still under discussion provided for the roads network to be transferred to a contractor who would be responsible for the design, build, financing and operation of the roads. This did not mean privatisation of the roads, but the contractor would be responsible for building and maintaining the roads for a definite period. The purpose was to have high and uniform standards throughout the network. Further details would be announced in the coming weeks.

This blog has often gone on record expressing admiration of Gatt’s Thatcherite tactics and attitude but we must admit that this “PrivatisatioN” business (weired capitalisation is intended) caught us on the wrong foot. What kind of improvement are they expecting from this kind of privatisation I ask? To begin with the choice of words of the spokesman quoted above says it all… this is not really a privatisation of the roads but a privatisation of the responsibility of  designing, financing and operating the roads.

Wunderbar. So first and foremost we have an implicit admission of the government’s incapability to retain responsibility for the road system in an island that is some 29 by 12 km large. This is quickly followed by a “solution” that smells of the privatisation of the British Railroad System. Trains ran later than ever but now the blame fell squarely on the operators and not in the government.

Finally some explaining will need to be done with regards to the fact that the new “international” contractor will have to think about the “financing” of the road system. Apart from managing applications for EU transport funds one cannot envisage any other form of “financing” than either channelling road taxes directly into a private company’s coffers or adding the Maltese equivalent of toll booths on our pseudo-highways.

Although he is a repeat offender in that he rarely provides a concrete alternate solution to a problem, Inhobbkom Joseph is right to be asking questions of this plan that has been pulled out of the conjuror’s hat by that most plausible of PN magician’s Austin “Ironman” Gatt.

The recent multiplication of traffic cameras along the roads of Malta did not cheer many motorists. Nor did the tax on imported cars do anything to improve their humour. All we need is a Toll Booth system and a contractor who would be doing just what the government should have been doing all this time… Plus ça change!

Flimkien kollox possibli… (all complaints to be directed to private contractors)

J’accuse turns 4 today. The festivities, reminescences and all related stuff have been postponed by one day because J’accuse is sick. Nothing to write home about but enough to keep us away from the screens for the day. Might be the stress for tonight’s in or out match or just the common flu (again). In any case see you tomorrow.

This article and accompanying Bertoon appeared in today’s edition of The Malta Independent on Sunday (08.03.09).

On the 1st of March we wrote a glowing appreciation of what was then Bishop Mario Grech’s position regarding the choice of costumes by some individuals during the Nadur Carnival (Politics from the Confessional). Bishop Grech was not happy with people dressing up as Jesus and his apostles but at the time seemed content to point out that in an open society individuals should reflect upon their use of freedom of expression and make sure that they do not unduly harm others. No police action was requested at that point. It was just a representative of a local church airing his point of view and disapproval.

Here at J’accuse we had waxed lyrical at the arrival of a new Daniel who even couched his terms in the context of the “evils of relativism” that are encroaching us. We thought we could see eye to eye. It seems we were wrong. As Fausto rightly points out (Mutaween in action), within a few days from the original declaration the Bishops (plural because our islands are graced with two Graces)  Paul and Mario urged action from the authorities (because, in their words, doing nothing did not mean remaining neutral but it meant condoning such despicable behaviour).

Our police are developing a wonderful record of defending social values that are seen only in their eyes, those of the Bishops and a few fervent faithfuls. Fausto is not that cruel when he tags them with the “mutaween” label – those zealous religious police we are used to seeing in action in such countries as Saudi Arabia (Wikipedia describes “mutaween” as an “umbrella term outside the Arab-speaking world to indicate religious-policing organizations in Islamic countries with at least some government recognition or deference, who enforce varied interpretations of Sharia Law“).

Unfortunately for our police gone are the days when the Bishops had police forces of their own fighting for territory with those of the Grand Master as thieves and brigands opted between jurisdictions of Immunità Ecclesiastica and favour of the Chevaliers. Instead they are there to apply the law of the land that happens to be a lay law that in no manner whatsoever prohibits a man from dressing up as Jesus and the Apostles or J’accuse from putting Buddy Jesus up in its masthead.

Fausto has already said all that need be said about the legal problems facing the police in applying this particular section of the criminal code. The men in blue will hopefully end up with egg on their face again which will hopefully finally teach them to stick to applying Ceasar’s law and leave topless bathers and carnival enthusiasts to the scrutiny of the confessional.

Meanwhile we are disappointed. Disappointed that our preliminary assessment of Bishop Grech’s statements were not proved right in the long run. We thought we had a valid interlocutor in the discussion on modern social values. Instead we have police arresting men for dressing up as Jesus and the Apostles. They should get really busy come Holy Thursday as many grown up men dress up as apostles and head to church to get their feet washed.

Script from The Penultimate Supper – Monthy Python
(Warning: Comedy and satire ahead)

Renaissance Choir: [Gregorian Chant]
Servant: A Michelangelo to see you, your Holiness.
Pope: Who?
Servant: Michelangelo, the famous renaissance artist whose best known works include the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and the celebrated statue of David.
Pope: Ah. Very well…
Servant: In 1514 he returned to Florence and de…
Pope: All right, that’s enough, that’s enough, they’ve got it now!
Servant: Oh.
Michelangelo: Good evening, your Holiness.
Pope: Evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this painting of yours, “The Last Supper.”
Michelangelo: Oh, yeah?
Pope: I’m not happy about it.
Michelangelo: Oh, dear. It took me hours.
Pope: Not happy at all.
Michelangelo: Is it the jello you don’t like?
Pope: No.
Michelangelo: Ah, no, I know, they do have a bit of colour, don’t they? Oh, I know, you don’t like the kangaroo?
Pope: What kangaroo?
Michelangelo: No problem, I’ll paint him out.
Pope: I never saw a kangaroo!
Michelangelo: Uuh…he’s right in the back. I’ll paint him out! No sweat, I’ll make him into a disciple.
Pope: Aah.
Michelangelo: All right?
Pope: That’s the problem.
Michelangelo: What is?
Pope: The disciples.
Michelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
Pope: No, it’s just that there are twenty-eight of them.
Michelangelo: Oh, well, another one will never matter, I’ll make the kangaroo into another one.
Pope: No, that’s not the point.
Michelangelo: All right. Well, I’ll lose the kangaroo. Be honest, I wasn’t perfectly happy with it.
Pope: That’s not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples!
Michelangelo: Too many?
Pope: Well, of course it’s too many!
Michelangelo: Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real last supper. You know, not just any old last supper. Not like a last meal or a final snack. But you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blow-out, you know?
Pope: There were only twelve disciples at the last supper.
Michelangelo: Well, maybe some of the others ones came along afterw…
Pope: There were only twelve altogether.
Michelangelo: Well, maybe some of their friends came by, you know?
Pope: Look! There were just twelve disciples and our Lord at the last supper. The Bible clearly says so.
Michelangelo: No friends?
Pope: No friends.
Michelangelo: Waiters?
Pope: No.
Michelangelo: Cabaret?
Pope: No!
Michelangelo: You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene, I could lose a few, you know I could…
Pope: Look! There were only twelve disciples at…
Michelangelo: I’ve got it! I’ve got it! We’ll call it “The Last But One Supper”!
Pope: What?
Michelangelo: Well there must have been one, if there was a last supper there must have been a one before that, so this, is the “Penultimate Supper”! The Bible doesn’t say how many people were there now, does it?
Pope: No, but…
Michelangelo: Well there you are, then!
Pope: Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band. Now, a last supper I commissioned from you, and a last supper I want! With twelve disciples and one Christ!
Michelangelo: One?!
Pope: Yes one! Now will you please tell me what in God’s name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
Michelangelo: It works, mate!
Pope: Works?
Michelangelo: Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones.
Pope: There was only one Redeemer!
Michelangelo: Ah, I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic license?
Pope: Well one Messiah is what I want!
Michelangelo: I’ll tell you what you want, mate! You want a bloody photographer! That’s you want. Not a bloody creative artist to crease you up…
Pope: I’ll tell you what I want! I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don’t get paid!
Michelangelo: Bloody fascist!
Pope: Look! I’m the bloody pope, I am! May not know much about art, but I know what I like!