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There is a rude Maltese expression that I doubt has a long historic pedigree but which has become part of popular usage. It involves a zoological appreciation of the natural impossibility that would be cross-breeding a pachyderm and a member of the gryllidae family using nothing more than a great deal of patience and a modicum of saliva. I was reminded of this expression when reading the Times report of Joseph Muscat’s announcement of a “demonstration” in Zabbar. It turns out that “the people” will be demonstrating “peacefully but firmly” that “the truth will prevail”. Now, to continue on the lines of zoological appreciation mentioned earlier, if that is not a load of circum tauri then I do not know what is.

Pratchett has adapted his famous “truth” quote in the new book “Unseen Academicals”. Terry is now firmly convinced that “Truth” is a she – mainly because if a Lie will get to go half-way around the world before Truth can get its boots on – then Truth has to be a she. In any case, Minister Fenech has been travelling – not around the world but to London to watch Arsenal in the company of owners of major gaming operations right at the moment when the new gaming laws are being debated in parliament. The Prime Minister does not believe that this is a conflict of interest. There may not be, but one really does have to wonder why Minister Fenech needs the luxury of a private plane and company of parties interested in the outcome of currently debated legislation in order to go to the Emirates Stadium. A bigger question would be Why Arsenal?

So the Lie is travelling around the world, Truth is having a bit of a difficulty getting its boots on, and Joseph? Inhobbkom Joseph is preparing a right proper demonstration. The man must surely believe in the effects of zen. Or he must agree with the not so old Maltese adage:

“Bil-pacenzja u ftit bzieq, iljunfant hexa wurzieq.”

(With some patience, and a bit of saliva, an elephant screwed a cricket).

This article and accompanying Bertoon are published in today’s edition of The Malta Independent on Sunday.

There are days when no matter how much I try, I fail to find a topic that will serve to meld together the little fragments of information of the past week. In such cases I tend to roll my eyes in autistic desperation while hoping for some divine intervention that will unblock the inevitable flow of words that normally follows the general thrust of the aforementioned umbrella topic in the manner of a smoking locomotive on a binary track.

Rarely, very rarely, the bloated muses of the hebdomadal columnist fail to turn up for their weekly appointment. I am therefore left stranded up a narrow, faeces-infested inlet while riding a primitive form of maritime transportation bereft of any form of mechanical propulsion – or as my girlfriend insists I explain – I find myself up shit creek with no paddle. Literally speaking that is.

A newbie to the Maltese blogging world (and an interesting specimen at that) this week stated: “The migration of J’Accuse to the print media marked an end to that blog’s cult status, the domestication of an avant-garde.” I beg to differ. On second thoughts I don’t even beg. I assert my disagreement with the utmost conviction and determination. To my mind, the only deterioration since the aforesaid migration has been the lugubrious long-winded verbosity that weighs down the measured thoughts that would otherwise have been expressed in telegraphic form on the blog of “cult status”.

In other words J’accuse is about as “domesticated” as a wild zebra named Spartacus so we assiduously resent that accusation. “The Malta Pamphleteer”, for that is the name of the anonymous blogger who dared ruffle the feathers of this (wild) peacock, is worth a read though – if you can stick through J’accuse’s 2000 word weekly digest then you can definitely survive a dive into the Pamphleteer’s politico-historic evaluation of liberty and Giorgio Mitrovich. It’s a read-only project for now but could be an interesting basis for discussions on the role of a liberal democratic party in Malta. The only pity is that maltapamphleteer.wordpress.com risks becoming as long-windedly indigestible as J’accuse on a bad day. A very bad day.

The new law intended to regulate gambling is currently being debated in parliament. J’accuse has often taken a stand criticising the hypocritical policy approach towards gambling taken by government. On the one hand it attempts to attract the investment of internet gaming companies (and ancillary revenues) and on the other it stands on the moral high ground shaking an angry finger at those men fixated in the one-armed bandits and other slot machines. We are pleased to note that we are not alone in denouncing the contradictions of the PN government (see “Game Off” by DCG on today’s Malta Independent).

The Hollywood film is quite crap (just stick to the trailer – all the good jokes are there). It’s about a car salesman who would sell the devil his own trident. I am sure that in Malta we could boast many of these but I have rarely come across a funnier advert than this one. Thanks to K.S. who sent me the link on www.maltapark.com. Seller brian24 definitely has a way with words when selling his Mr2:

MR2 tan 92 ta’ Malta allura bla turbo. Tal-bidu allura bla a/c. GT allura bil leather seats u bit T Bar. Bit T-bar thossok tajjeb ghal min ma jafx. Tkun qisek tifel tal year 5 ghandu IPhone. Ili 6 snin kur**t taghha allura ha nbieghha. Immakulata allura toqghodux tokorbuli biex ninzel hafna ghax diga inzilt bizzejjed. Minn jixtieq ipartat ma Yaris mill godda he/she is welcome l aqwa li mhix 3 door, roza, vjola jew hamra. Jekk hemm xi tweety imwahhal naqilawh no problem. 99,900km allura ghal min ghandu mohh intelligenti bizzejjed biex jiehu n nifs u jteptep ghajnejh jirrealizza li ma tantx huma ghaliex minn tghallem in numri din fin 1992 harget mhux 2006. Ma tantx hawn bhala Malta allura ittik pjacir unlike il-pastizzi BMWs flooding Malta qishom il-virus ta’ l-Swine Flu H1N1. Min ma jaf xejn fuq MR2s ifittex fuq l-internet u min jaf ghidtilkhom bizzejjed. And its a must see. Mara tara live trid biex tkun taf x inhi, mhux tara ippuzata fuq facebook, timpressjonak ghax ghandna 1,342 friends imbghad tkun qisa xitla laqtita sajjetta. take care u il-paci maghkhom – 79031081 u tuni nifs ghax ma niflahx aktar.

The item has already been viewed 923 times in less than a month…  I just love it. With guys like these who needs Jeremy Clarkson?

Wankellectuals of the world unite! They’ve woken up and sniffed a vacuum. And they will battle to fill/void it in their very special way. The progressive intellectuals of New Labour started it, they did. Here is maltastar.com speaking of new “think tank” IDEAT that was probably the result of cell mitosis at Labour HQ. Coming from the worst English language newspaper online you cannot expect Oxford English but here are some excerpts anyway:

Labour Leader Joseph Muscat insisted that the think tank has “card blanche” on its policies and hoped it can influence not only the PL but also other parties. “I would not be surprised if other parties would take the ideas that will come forward from this think tank. The time of monopolies is over.”

“even though the Left-movement have been given a good momentum, it is still lacking to get its arguments across to the people and unless this is done, very little change can ever happen.”

“Politics is very similar to journalist. It is based on credibility. Thus, this think tank has to forget theories and be practical,” Grima said. He noted that while the country has economical improved, he questioned whether this society has become more open-minded.”

That was mainly Maltastar and I cannot find the original article that was rife with mistakes. It’s not the point though. What is interesting is this buzzword “progressive” that simply just cannot make the mark of itself. Just like Daphne’s “cool/uncool” classification the “progressive/conservative” divide falls flat on its face once you realise that beneath the shaky surface of pseudo-intellectualism lies a clear current of the Same Old Bull. It’s early days but the signs are there… More of this later on in J’accuse… but for now we ain’t impressed one bit.

Meanwhile the intellectual vacuum looks destined to be as undiscovered and unexplored as the remote corners of the multi-verse. Wankellectuals of the world unite!

There is nothing that surpasses ruling with benevolence. However, to put into practice enough benevolent governing to rule the country is difficult. To do this lukewarmly would result in neglect. If governing with benevolence is difficult, then it is best to govern strictly. To govern strictly mans to be strict before things have arisen, and to do things in such a way that evil will not arise. To be strict after the evil has arisen is like laying a snare. There are few people who will make mistakes with fire after having once been burned. Of people who regard water lightly, many have been drowned. – Tzu Ch’an (Hagakure – “In the shadow of the leaves”)