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You've come a long way baby!

I – J’accuse for All Seasons
A Spring in your March
A little more than a year ago j’accuse stopped being a “reported blog” on the inner pages of the Malta Independent on Sunday and Indy’s regulars found that they had yet another columnist with whom to disagree. This column appeared on the Indy for the first time on the 2nd March 2008 with an article entitled Voting in the time of Cholera. We were bang in the middle of a the latest electoral fandango and blogs had already been quite the vogue  on the MSM for a few weeks. An angry J’accuse jumped ship from the columns of another paper at the first whiff of some form of censorship and found a cosier, more amenable home in the print from Standard Publications.
The no-holds barred style was well received as we chronicled the Votes, smiles and tears and watched the outcome of an election with the eyes, ears and voice of The Blind, The Deaf and the Dumb. No sooner did we have the results of a close-call election that J’accuse declared that we had a collective interest in becoming A Nation of Labourites in the hope that we would finally get the strong opposition the nation deserved (and the nationalists needed). The PN government gave early signs of governance without consultation and pot and kettle politics continued unabashed as seen in Partnerships, poodles and the partisan trickle-effect.
April opened with an intro- and outro-spection on expression and freedom to speak. We mused about The Sound of Silence and The Cost of Free Speech and wondered what platform would be left for those who constituted The Left Outside. Bizarrely around almost the same time as this year we were talking about pairing and censorship, mostly in terms of Mixed Doubles. Spring burst in with Life in Cartoon Motion as the great theory of Everybody’s Right was finally expounded with The Theory of Relativity. As we began to feel the early signs of an economic crunch we discussed the differences between PN and Labour in Beyond Mintoff, Further than Gonzi while contemplating The Price of Bread and a Good Life.
Summer Lovin’
June was Labour’s month. As they laboured to elect a new leader we scrutinised everything red that there was to scrutinise. The Minority Report could only be seen Through the Looking Glass until the man who would thenceforth be known as Inhobbkom Joseph told us that we should Love Labour’s Lost. There would be no such love and happiness in the EU as the Irish said No to Joy and j’accuse wondered  about all this Change in the World via the web.
By midsummer we were still wondering why no one in the political class seemed to be listening and decided that that was Why We Are Not All Ears. As it got hotter and subjects scarcer we took to Browsing Under the Hot Summer Sun and as the heat rose to our heads it got a little Triple-X Rated. The first signs of “different” mode of governance from GonziPN came with a its adoption of a number of measures that had been championed by other parties in a Pythonesque twist of fate.
During the height of summer we travelled and thought about The Unbearable Heaviness of the Travelling Suitcase, then we travelled on our screens to the Far East Olympics to watch The Way of the Dragon. Slowly slowly summer dragged on with its little Babysteps and J’accuse chose to distract with a  Mid-August Miscellany before coming down to earth to examine the Growth Factor.
Autumn Leaves
With the first drops of rain came the first controversies as nurses in hospital had to deal with The Rat in the Kitchen. From rats to deeper meanings J’accuse shifted like Gunter Grass and wondered about The Meaning of Life. It really meant addressing a bunch of Personal Pronouns in order to discover that all in all we still had a lot to learn before we moved out of this Institutional Mal(t)aise.
By then the Credit Crunch had really begun to hit home and the reading list on J’accuse can sound as ominous as Savonarola’s bedside reading: Das Kapital (Kein Kapital), Great Expectations, Surf’s Up Dude! and of course Atonement.
Winter Moods
November came with an explosion of themes and a wonderful palette with which to paint the discussion table. We barely had time to Meet Joe Public and see his True Colours that we we celebrating the election of the USA’s first coloured president and the nationalist’s attempt at a green budget. Not as Green as a Jungle Book and most times you had to wonder whether budget promises and plans like these contain Everything but the truth. In any case a green budget was better late than never. It had begun to feel like we were waiting for The Second Coming.
Santa Claus was still a month away from coming to town but we were discovering the Monumental credit crunch that was threatening to hit us. The great auditors of life seemed to be turning December into a month of reflection of one’s errors and how hard it is to Make No Mistake. No time to reflect on PBO, JPO and other acronyms as we barely saw the festive period pass us by with The One Before Christmas and sang  For Auld Lang Syne.
2009
…began with a bizarre, snow-covered Valletta which is why J’accuse could yell “All Hail this Festive Season”. Once we sobered up it was time to get Ready, Steady… Focus. And focus we did on new President George Abela while we described why he would be A Man for All Reasons. It was then time to Thinkaboutit! (Tech-No-Logic), the It being something else very bloggish.
Last month brought us Party Times as we dreamt of leaders with the guts and vision of a pilot of a plane in distress who could utter the words We’ll be in the Hudson with a monumental calm. We have blogged and written Obsessively, Compulsively, Disorderly about all that we could find to write about. Blog before print – that is the genesis of this column and I hope that it is reflected in the mentality. Sapere Aude! is What Lies Beneath. Because after all J’accuse is all about the truth if I lie, about “ludendo castigat mores” and blogging so you don’t have to. We hope that you have enjoyed the show as it has been till now: 110,000 words, 55 articles and a bit later.
This first part has been about taking stock. We’ve reviewed a year of J’accuse in a nutshell… looking through the archives… so you don’t have to!
II – A Year in Castille
Another person celebrating a year in the public eye is Prime Minister Lawrence Gonzi. Flimkien Kollox Possibbli (Together everything is possible) became Flimkien Naslu b’Ghaqal (We’ll get there together diligently) in the backdrop provided for the press conference in which PM Gonzi spoke about the first twelve months of this PN government. The Prime Minister is still eager to brush off the idea of Gonzi PN and claimed that it is normal for Maltese politics to centre around party leaders during election campaigns – we will never know whether the PM thinks we should give more priority to the quality of what is being promised rather than the masks being bandied about at election time.
Our Prime Minister believes that the reforms promised before the elections have begun and mentions MEPA, Local Councils and Transport as proof. Of course should you find fault with the extent of fulfilment of PN promises then there is always a credit crisis to fall back on. When oil prices exploded through the roof there was no need of an explanation. Now that they shrunk we still have to be wary because the economy is sick and companies are in danger – and Gonzi PN is by our side to cushion the impact – presumably with more intelligent legislation like eco-contribution on plastic bags (with handles) or registration tax on imported motor vehicles or departure taxes… not to mention “kicking off the discussion” on the introduction of divorce.
When asked about whether the slim majority that afforded PN a relative majority government affected its mode of government Gonzi slipped into typical PN interpretation of representation and what it is all about. It is about “extending a hand” to Labour and waiting for it to elect a Leader by convening Parliament as late as possible. It is about those nasty nasty Labourites who will not play ball. No mention of real representation and consultation where relatively important minorities have long made their voices heard – Labour or no Labour. Gonzi conveniently confuses the duty to be more attentive to the will of the majority with the duty to play nice games with the partners in crime in the dualistic system.
Same goes with the regrets. When asked if he had any, the Prime Minister could not possibly echo his former nemesis and reply “No Regrets”; instead he gives the textbook answer of “of course we have regrets” and mumbles something about water and electricity bills only to come out with guns ablazing two seconds later saying “Of course everybody is wise after the event”. A  regret but no regrets of sorts.
The best answer is kept for last. When asked whether he thinks that Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando has become a burden on the PN government Lawrence gives the interviewer (incidentally it’s Kurt not Matthew) his best pre-election smile and describes JPO as “a person with great intiative and enthusiasm who is passionate in everything he does… in a parliamentary group you need every type – we are like a rainbow”. As Generation Y would text: ROTFL.
The rainbow metaphor was one big laugh all along. It’s the underlying theme right now in GonziPN – far be it from being a one man band – insofar as PR is concerned GonziPN is a rainbow… a plethora of ideas, a hodge-podge of values, a cornucopia of policies, a menagerie of personalities … and every one of them is needed. That’s what Lawrence thinks – take one colour out and it is no longer a rainbow he says. That’s the beauty of the PN of Alan Deidun, of Vince Farrugia, of JPO and RMTT – Oh Joy Oh Rapture Unforeseen. So THAT’S what they meant by Flimkien Kollox Possibli! No wonder other parties trying to break into the hegemony are irritants that should learn to be simple NGOs (but not like the FAA please – we’ve had enough of these pests). Ad Multos Annos Lawrence!
Mutaween
And then there was the bit about more censorship. First we had the Board of Classification telling us what we can or cannot be exposed to, now we have the Bishop and Archbishop hinting to the police that they better round up anyone choosing to dress up as Jesus and his Apostles for carnival because failure to act would mean condoning the action itself. Funny, I thought that Ecclesiastical Police ended some time around the departure of the Knights, instead we find ourselves in a sort of Mediterranean mutaween (islamic religion police) situation.
As things stand a certain Melvin Barbara from Zejtun has got a suspended sentence for “denigrating the Roman Catholic religion”. Sad indeed. From point of view of a blogger who carries “Ludendo Castigat Mores” as one of his mottos this kind of occurrence is downright pathetic. I wonder which part of the rainbow the mutaween fall into.
It’s anniversary time as http://www.akkuza.com launches officially on the 10th of March – kicking off the fifth year of J’accuse blogging. Comment, as always, is free.

This article and accompanying Bertoon appeared in today’s edition of The Malta Independent on Sunday (08.03.09).

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Eppur' si fatwa

The Penultimate Supper
The Penultimate Supper

On the 1st of March we wrote a glowing appreciation of what was then Bishop Mario Grech’s position regarding the choice of costumes by some individuals during the Nadur Carnival (Politics from the Confessional). Bishop Grech was not happy with people dressing up as Jesus and his apostles but at the time seemed content to point out that in an open society individuals should reflect upon their use of freedom of expression and make sure that they do not unduly harm others. No police action was requested at that point. It was just a representative of a local church airing his point of view and disapproval.

Here at J’accuse we had waxed lyrical at the arrival of a new Daniel who even couched his terms in the context of the “evils of relativism” that are encroaching us. We thought we could see eye to eye. It seems we were wrong. As Fausto rightly points out (Mutaween in action), within a few days from the original declaration the Bishops (plural because our islands are graced with two Graces)  Paul and Mario urged action from the authorities (because, in their words, doing nothing did not mean remaining neutral but it meant condoning such despicable behaviour).

Our police are developing a wonderful record of defending social values that are seen only in their eyes, those of the Bishops and a few fervent faithfuls. Fausto is not that cruel when he tags them with the “mutaween” label – those zealous religious police we are used to seeing in action in such countries as Saudi Arabia (Wikipedia describes “mutaween” as an “umbrella term outside the Arab-speaking world to indicate religious-policing organizations in Islamic countries with at least some government recognition or deference, who enforce varied interpretations of Sharia Law“).

Unfortunately for our police gone are the days when the Bishops had police forces of their own fighting for territory with those of the Grand Master as thieves and brigands opted between jurisdictions of Immunità Ecclesiastica and favour of the Chevaliers. Instead they are there to apply the law of the land that happens to be a lay law that in no manner whatsoever prohibits a man from dressing up as Jesus and the Apostles or J’accuse from putting Buddy Jesus up in its masthead.

Fausto has already said all that need be said about the legal problems facing the police in applying this particular section of the criminal code. The men in blue will hopefully end up with egg on their face again which will hopefully finally teach them to stick to applying Ceasar’s law and leave topless bathers and carnival enthusiasts to the scrutiny of the confessional.

Meanwhile we are disappointed. Disappointed that our preliminary assessment of Bishop Grech’s statements were not proved right in the long run. We thought we had a valid interlocutor in the discussion on modern social values. Instead we have police arresting men for dressing up as Jesus and the Apostles. They should get really busy come Holy Thursday as many grown up men dress up as apostles and head to church to get their feet washed.

Script from The Penultimate Supper – Monthy Python
(Warning: Comedy and satire ahead)

Renaissance Choir: [Gregorian Chant]
Servant: A Michelangelo to see you, your Holiness.
Pope: Who?
Servant: Michelangelo, the famous renaissance artist whose best known works include the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and the celebrated statue of David.
Pope: Ah. Very well…
Servant: In 1514 he returned to Florence and de…
Pope: All right, that’s enough, that’s enough, they’ve got it now!
Servant: Oh.
Michelangelo: Good evening, your Holiness.
Pope: Evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this painting of yours, “The Last Supper.”
Michelangelo: Oh, yeah?
Pope: I’m not happy about it.
Michelangelo: Oh, dear. It took me hours.
Pope: Not happy at all.
Michelangelo: Is it the jello you don’t like?
Pope: No.
Michelangelo: Ah, no, I know, they do have a bit of colour, don’t they? Oh, I know, you don’t like the kangaroo?
Pope: What kangaroo?
Michelangelo: No problem, I’ll paint him out.
Pope: I never saw a kangaroo!
Michelangelo: Uuh…he’s right in the back. I’ll paint him out! No sweat, I’ll make him into a disciple.
Pope: Aah.
Michelangelo: All right?
Pope: That’s the problem.
Michelangelo: What is?
Pope: The disciples.
Michelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
Pope: No, it’s just that there are twenty-eight of them.
Michelangelo: Oh, well, another one will never matter, I’ll make the kangaroo into another one.
Pope: No, that’s not the point.
Michelangelo: All right. Well, I’ll lose the kangaroo. Be honest, I wasn’t perfectly happy with it.
Pope: That’s not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples!
Michelangelo: Too many?
Pope: Well, of course it’s too many!
Michelangelo: Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real last supper. You know, not just any old last supper. Not like a last meal or a final snack. But you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blow-out, you know?
Pope: There were only twelve disciples at the last supper.
Michelangelo: Well, maybe some of the others ones came along afterw…
Pope: There were only twelve altogether.
Michelangelo: Well, maybe some of their friends came by, you know?
Pope: Look! There were just twelve disciples and our Lord at the last supper. The Bible clearly says so.
Michelangelo: No friends?
Pope: No friends.
Michelangelo: Waiters?
Pope: No.
Michelangelo: Cabaret?
Pope: No!
Michelangelo: You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene, I could lose a few, you know I could…
Pope: Look! There were only twelve disciples at…
Michelangelo: I’ve got it! I’ve got it! We’ll call it “The Last But One Supper”!
Pope: What?
Michelangelo: Well there must have been one, if there was a last supper there must have been a one before that, so this, is the “Penultimate Supper”! The Bible doesn’t say how many people were there now, does it?
Pope: No, but…
Michelangelo: Well there you are, then!
Pope: Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band. Now, a last supper I commissioned from you, and a last supper I want! With twelve disciples and one Christ!
Michelangelo: One?!
Pope: Yes one! Now will you please tell me what in God’s name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
Michelangelo: It works, mate!
Pope: Works?
Michelangelo: Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones.
Pope: There was only one Redeemer!
Michelangelo: Ah, I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic license?
Pope: Well one Messiah is what I want!
Michelangelo: I’ll tell you what you want, mate! You want a bloody photographer! That’s you want. Not a bloody creative artist to crease you up…
Pope: I’ll tell you what I want! I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don’t get paid!
Michelangelo: Bloody fascist!
Pope: Look! I’m the bloody pope, I am! May not know much about art, but I know what I like!

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John Zammit (latest)

Dr. John Zammit – Candidate for the European Parliament election of 6th June 2009 was in Brussels filming for his election campaign. He is the Candidate for the Alleanza Liberali – Liberal Alliance of Malta. This is not edited just filming in preperation for the election.

 

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Neverland

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Conquer the Wood

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Hang On