Category: Uncategorized

Prestidigitation
You’ve seen that trick before. The one where the guy holds three cards in his hands and turns them face down, shuffles them expertly before asking a goggle-eyed crowd to take their pick and find the Queen that’s hidden among the Jacks. Most times there is money involved and, more often than not, the card-shuffler has a fellow pundit who has mingled with the crowd and regularly bets on the cards inevitably winning a good bounty and thus proving how nice and easy a way it is to make a quick buck.

It’s all about guessing what lies beneath and following the quick light handed moves of the card shuffler isn’t it? Or maybe it’s in following the eyes of his faithful companion and placing your bets when he does. The English language inherited the word “legerdemain” from Middle French – it literally means “light of hand” or “sleight of hand”, involving adroitness in deception. It’s a skill and dexterity in conjuring up tricks. Tricks, deception, slight of hand. It’s all there and it’s part of another world of magic or quasi-magic where people are led to believe that what they are seeing is true no matter how unbelievable.

Most times there is no magic but simply a way of fooling the audience. As Cutter, Michael Caine’s stupendous character in “The Prestige”, explains: “The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you’re looking for the secret… but you won’t find it, because of course you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to know. You want to be fooled.” And there it is in all its wonder… for the trick to really work you have to lend your belief to the world of magic. Suspension of belief works in the wider world of theatre too (when it’s not being banned) and the same principle of connivance applies between actor and audience as does between magician and magicked.

The Hand inside the Puppet
Technically you could try to shift the principle of suspension of belief from theatre to politics. It could kinda work. If you completely and utterly disregard the basic principle of trust on which the concept of representation in politics is built that is. In a world of marketing controlled politics and statistics run policies we are ominously close to a situation where vague political concepts are sold to the people while real representation and policy commitment are sacrificed on the high altar of power politics.

Last March we had an instance of attempted suspension of belief. There was a bad magician. A very incompetent magician I must say… who had all the tricks up his sleeve and could have unravelled a beautiful trick that would have been baffling in all its simplicity. Instead he held the cards too close to his chest and let a more wily magician perform a couple of tricks of his own. You know what I am talking about and you are all familiar with the story of how the PN conjured up a victim of a Labour conspiracy out of its hat and for a few weeks running up to the election led the people to hang on to the belief that one of its prime candidates was the subject of an evil plan. The martyrdom of JPO had its desired effect and before you know it JPO got into parliament and the PN got a contribution of 5,000 first count votes that contributed to no end to the relative majority that allowed it to govern.

So long as the magic trick held up the people would have been convincingly (and willingly) fooled. So long as the principal magicians kept their tricks to themselves and more importantly so long as the victim kept mum and stayed quiet. The trouble began when JPO was left out of cabinet and no longer was willing to play along. The magic trick became a tightrope act and the further away from elections we moved the more disposable did JPO become. No longer did the blue pundits publish passionate pleas from his daughter on their blog in JPO’s defence. The only pleas remaining on their blogs are to JPO to stop screwing up.

“It’s horrible when you see somebody who is not essentially a bad person rushing right down a road with a large brick wall at the end of it.” That’s Daphne on JPO this week. The condescending words come, let’s see, twelve months too late. Nobody was stopping JPO from going off on a self-destruct path twelve months ago. They were busy issuing him with journalist tags and telling anyone who criticised him that they were setting themselves up as objects of hate by helping to elect the Devil’s Brother. It was marketing that won the day… but marketing has a short life span and thank god for that Marley song: you can fool some of the people some of the time… but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Maybe.

Pandora’s Box
Underneath the City of Gentlemen lies a network of tunnels. This week’s news of the findings underneath Saint George’s Square in Valletta comes hot on the heels of the news of the abandoning of another project involving excavation a couple of hundred metres away. This meant that the saga of Astrid Vella and the people has to go on. I say “has” very wearily since I am tired of reading of knee-jerk reactions, motives and cross motives and the lack of a coherent plan that could solve the problem once and for all. I’ve been accused this week of being a person who has very few opinions but I am glad to say that on this particular issue I’d rather be a neutral than a blind basher on one side or the other.

I mean it is bad enough already that NIMBY-ism in this country means that everybody has an opinion about everything since everybody’s back yard is everybody else’s back yard if you get my drift. Let’s face it we are the most densely populated country in the world (I don’t count Singapore – it’s a City-State) and that means that every time one of us farts most of us are bound to get a whiff of the smell. If you had to ask me I would be against any kind of digging in Valletta and for the preservation of the myriad tunnels running through Monte Sceberras. That would be as uninformed a position as you could get based solely on romantic imaginations of hobbit like beings tunneling beneath the constructions to have yet another defensive weapon in the times of medieval warfare. Why we should sacrifice such tunnels for added parking space instead of really drilling the park and ride concept into our globigerina limestone brains is beyond ignorant me.

I wish I could say I trust our politicians to find some genius to come up with a good, coherent plan that would make Valletta the splendid subject of envy the world over. I wish. But I cannot. I can’t suspend my belief this time round. So I am resigned to following the debacle while sitting on the fence in the distance. Who knows… with luck we may just about get it right… though god only knows what “right” is in this context. As I type Resources Minister Pullicino has just announced that the passages that have just been discovered will be studied in great detail. Guess we’ll be pulling out the “esperti fil-hofor” all over again (sorry could not resist that one).

X marks the Spot
Or in the case of European Election ballots it marks your candidates of preference. Immigration remains the number one issue for next EP elections. Of course you do get the rare pot calling the kettle black like the candidate with a long long surname appealing for non-confrontational politics in an article worded completely in confrontational phraseology. “The people do not want us, as their MEPs, to take petty partisan and personal issues to Brussels.” – claims Metsola Tedesco Triccas. Funny. Last I heard most PN candidats speaking of the advantages of voting them in its because of their big big formation in the EP.

The policy example RMTT uses in her scathing article directed at Labour candidate Marlene Mizzi is… surprise, surprise… immigration. “Tapping in to the collective sense of worry about this situation, and promising action and solutions that are just hot air, is beyond irresponsible; it is outright dangerous. It is in this area, over any other, that decency, temperance and honesty would be most valuable and worthy.” Who knows maybe that is an attempt to pull the carpet from under Simon (Busuttil)’s feet. You know – one of the current PN MEP’s who “fathered” the Draft Directive on persons employing illegal immigrants. But that is another story.

So while Vince Farrugia and Alan Deidun join the PN kaleidoscope of candidates (prestidigiwhat?) JPO has been busy explaining HIS point of view on immigrants and immigration. Suddenly you just cannot get enough of PN. They are all over the place. Here’s Vince Farrugia explaining to dive.com why he chose to run for PN: “If you want to go to Brussels you have to decide whether to charter an aircraft and get there on your own, or to take a scheduled aircraft. There are 2 ‘scheduled’ operators in Malta, the Nationalists and the Labour Party. It would have been worse for me had I suddently decided to be part of the Opposition bandwagon.” His words not mine.

Then there is environmental activist Alan Deidun who might have decided to play the “if you can’t beat them join them” card. He does add green to the multicolour nationalist palette and judging by his previous work he seems like the kind of candidate some people could warm to. Of course he has decided to throw his lot with one party so returning to the fold of NGOs will be difficult should his quest to get elected fail. He might want to take a leaf or two out of JPO’s book under the chapter “Candidate’s Disposability”… then again he might just make it and will only have to face Hamletic decisions like whether or not to back the PN position on hunting (pace Borg Olivier) later in the day. Interesting times lies ahead it seems… magical I would say.

Unearthing the News
And now for the usual round up of other topics. I am still curious to find out how much is going to be made of the Insiter survey results on stipends. As far as I know there was always a part of the Uni student population who were not in favour of stipends. What makes this 1 in 10 sample special is beyond me. It remains a wrong point of departure for a reform of the stipend issue. Speaking of education aids, Obamas stimulus plan involves a reform of student loans. Rather than remove them altogether they are being taken away from private companies (like the bankrupt Fannie Mae) and returned to the fed-propped loaning system. Obamas stimulus plan passed today but it was not a bipartisan vote that he had wished for. Change will have to wait while the plan described as “a bridge over troubled waters” by Clinton remains to be tested.

Chefs around the world are on tenterhooks as the final announcements of this years Michelin guide are made. Those valuable stars are the ratio vivendi of many a cook around the world, I hope the ones in and around to Luxembourg hang on to a few… can’t wait for Foie Gras season. It’s not really the time for fat geese and some companies are thinking up weird ways of making profits. Magic Company Ryanair of the deceptively named “Low Fare” flights have declared that they will try to outprice luggage and baggage. Passengers with suitcases and hand luggage are a nuisance. So is anything that involves more staff and more cost. The latest joke is that they want to charge people to pee on flights. If only Gonzi’s government could be so creative.

Before I forget. When it comes to magic tricks during election time we had plenty politicians who ventured into the blog-marketing world. You know the sort of – kuntatt mal-poplu type. Our first man and lady both had their blogs trumpeted and paraded about (J’accuse even got Lawrence to change his blog masthead pic). A year on and both “lawrencegonzi.blogspot.com” and “catherinegonzi.blogspot.com” sport one year old messages as their latest blog posts. I hate to burst the magic bubble but we did warn you to take politicians’ blogs at face value.

Finally a sad bit of news for newspaper lovers like myself. The newsprint industry in the States is on its knees. One newspaper after another is folding and with them one of the most effective methods of checks and balance on local politicians. Hopefully this disease will not spread to our continent and the synergy between print and web will continue for some time yet. I mean, without printed paper where would you find the intelligent mental lozenges from J’accuse?

Jacques has recovered from Limburg’s delights and is back with his cutting edge keyboard skills on http://www.akkuza.com. Tune in and discover the magic.

This article and accompanying Bertoon appeared in The Malta Independent on Sunday on 1.03.09.

Bishop Nikol Cauchi has commented that the Church has the duty to speak about divorce. “The church is not there to impose its views but to teach and speak clearly”. (Times of Malta – 01.03.09) Expect the usual controversy when the confusion between church and state matters becomes a universal concern – even for those who believe that the Catholic church has no place in society. Bishop Cauchi is right however. The Church has a duty to speak about divorce. In Catholic terms that duty is paramount, especially considering that divorce does effect one of the sacraments considered blessed by Catholics. The Church’s role in society however, must include an awareness that not everybody is a believer and that State laws are made for everybody (even minorities). That the Church is unequivocally clear on its stance on divorce and on how true believers should accept it should not mean that the church forces its members to impose their beliefs on everybody under the sun.

On a less serious but related topic here’s Bishop Mario Grech commenting on carnival celebrations:

It was shameful how several people, through their behaviour, undermined public decency and human dignity, revealing the irrationality that was so evident in today’s times. Had those involved considered their actions, he said, they would not have behaved in such a degrading manner and would have shown more respect to society. (Times of Malta – 27.02.09)

Bishop Grech was condemning “rude and offensive” behaviour on the part of people who dresed up as the risen Christ or Jesus and the Apostles during carnival. The instinctive reaction of church-bashers would be “tindahalx” (none of your business). Examine Bishop Grech’s comments as though you were seeing any other citizen airing his views (and not the head of the local Church) and you will see that there is nothing “wrong” with his statements. Here’s how he continues:

Such incidents demonstrated that society was living under “the dictatorship of relativism” where people believed they were free from all legal or ethical boundaries and could do and say what they wanted, even when this offended or hurt others. This led to people ridiculing not only matters that were sacred but their own human dignity.

There’s another Gozitan talking about relativism, must be genetic. The concern is not of a church wanting to impose a veto on people dressing up as one of its main symbols but an observation of the state of society. Both statements by Bishop Grech are an invitation to people to reflect before asserting their rights of expression. Everybody’s free so long as his freedom is not used to hurt others. Not quite the Catholic fatwa you might expect – other religions and confessional states please note. While parading through Maastricht carnival last week I joined a group of trombone revellers and singers. At one point they stopped in a corner and started playing a song that sounded very religious and I had to ask what was going on. “They are playing a song about the virgin” an old lady replied. I asked why and she pointed to a little statuette of the Virgin Mary in the corner of the street. I must confess that I was slightly shocked, thinking that this kind of petty humour would only occur in Malta between rival supporters of some saints.

“Don’t worry” she explained, “Maastricht is a Catholic bastion, we are just laughing at ourselves. the important thing is that it is funny and that nobody gets hurt”. We marched away from the statue, singing “It’s a long way to Tipperary”…. a long way, but in truth it’s a small small world.

 
David and Goliath (Who the f**k is Goliath?)

Fellow blogger and regular guest-blogger David Friggieri has been caught in the crossfire in the war of  Astrid “The People” versus Daphne “The Blue Cuschieri”. It seems that David is destined to have quotes from his fine articles pulled slightly out of context (though this time it was closer to the mark). This time round it was Astrid Vella quoting Friggieri in a comment she left on the Times. Out comes Daffers with guns a’blazing shooting left right and centre in the style we have gotten used to by now. Here is the sideshot to DF in one of a blogorrhea of Anti-Astrid posts called (very creatively) “More Bollocks from Astrid“:

 

Here’s Astrid Vella, talking bollocks again on timesofmalta.com, complete with island as a proper noun. I suppose her degree in English was as useful as her diploma in baroque studies. ‘Your party’? Thanks for confirming that you’re anti-Nationalist, Astrid. Not that we needed telling, given your antics.

And David Friggieri? Chi e?

Dear, dear. The same DF who engaged Daphne in myriad comments (even on her blog) becomes a victim of circumstance. Having been quoted by her latest arch-enemy he is expediently ditched into the bin of “Who the f**k is David?” Hardly classy and hardly engaging. But then what can you expect… the latest witchhunt seems to warrant this kind of cheap shot. Meanwhile most people read the posts on Running Commentary out of sick curiosity more than real interest… and the question that keeps reverberating in their mind is… “Who the f**k is Daphne?”

Fausto’s Conserve 

One accolyte of Daphne’s did try to shoot a couple of parting shots of his own at J’accuse having been irredeemably irked by the association of those who now take jibes at Jeffrey with blue-eyed hypocrites. The archives further back than June 2008 at Thermidor have conveniently vanished so we cannot retrieve whatever hypotheses Majistral held with regard to Jeffrey’s blue eyed innocence and his promising career as a PN politician once the elections were over. Majistral is therefore more comfortable dressing up in the guise of a latter day Lorna Vassallo and speaks of “Kunserva tat-Three Hills”  instead of Gozo Cheese. Little difference, not just in accusation but also in substance.

Here’s Fausto talking about J’accuse:

As anyone who has been following his blog for some time knows the man has only very few opinions about anything.

I’m sorry, I haven’t a clue what this guy is on about. Fausto comes up with a (feignedly) ignorant analysis of how I apply the “meme” to the JPO circumstance. Of course I never could have predicted JPO going out on a limb on immigration. What I did insist and still do insist is that our current form of politics forces the political parties to back horses they have absolutely nothing in common with. The only problem is that every vote counts and when you are desperate to achieve a relative majority of a thousand and a half vote every vote helps…. a bit like a contract with the devil. It’s not like Joe Saliba did not say it himself, but then again Fausto prefers the argumentum ad hominem than trying to wriggle out of the uncomfortable scenario of admitting that the meme fits perfectly well.

Conserve indeed. Of the blinkered kind.

The J’accuse Personality of the Year (2008) rides on unabashed and is poised to continue grabbing the limelight well into 2009. We thought we had seen the back of him shortly after his crocodile tears stunt that was well capitalised upon by the Nationalist pragmatists but he got re-elected by the people (thank you Joe Saliba) and is now a right royal pain in the arse to the PN government.

Of course Pullicino Orlando cannot be blamed for doing what he does best and sniffing the winds of favour as best he can in order to survive in the political game. The man’s involvement in a series of headline grabbing events since the Alfred-Sant-chasing days at Mistra is incredible. We may all be forgiven therefore if we focus our anger at the class of politicians that we get onto the Rt. Hon. Member with Economic Interests in Mistra Valley.

We should be seeing things from a slightly different perspective of course. Now that JPO has become an embarassement for pundits with a blue slant and even crops up as a subject of ridicule in their blogs and articles we might need to focus on who gave us the JPO phenomenon in the first place.

You see many people voted JPO and his party into parliament in order to keep Sant and his merry band from having a (relative) majority of votes that would translate in more bums on seats in the House. Many people were persuaded that voting on the basis of principle was not the “in thing” to do and that they should best behave like a mass of mature voters by voting the only choice possible. The only feasible choice once we took int0 account the Wasted Vote formula perfectly devised in parliament beacame a hodge-podge party of liberals and conservatives, environmentalists and liars with about as much of a cunning plan as Blackadder’s Baldrick.

Those same people who were busy threatening anyone intent on voting for anyone other than JPO’s Party now feel at ease with the fact that the concept of representation as we know it has been thrown out of the window. Cabinet makes decisions. The executive executes. And parliament? Well parliament was convenient to work out that magic formula of representation (read relative majority gets to choose who sits in Castille). Once that uncomfortable and nail-biting situation was solved… well…. parliament became an inconvenient encumbrance on the rule by edict direct from Castille.

JPO had served his purpose. People like JPO, Arrigo and more are useful to rope in the numbers. Same goes for the principled policies that vary from conservative to liberal depending on the target audience. It’s not funny. it’s sad. Especially when you know that you have an opposition that is just as willing to emulate this opportunistic win-all formula.

Representation as we know it has been thrown to the dogs. The next time you find JPO’s contradictory statements funny don’t laugh at the poor man. He’s only playing the survival game in the politics the way PLPN do it. Laugh at yourself… for getting conned into thinking that a vote for “Together everything is possible” meant that your interest and you would be part of the fun and games.

All the rest is Disneyworld.

Insofar as gadgetry and geekery are concerned, this particular post is slightly off the mark. When we kicked off this particular section of J’accuse we were genuinely concerned with understanging the cultural context of the new generation that seems to be developing stronger thumbs thanks to their obsession with <txtmsgng>.

Which is why talking about baggage might seem a little out of the norm until you stop and think for just a little second. Mr O’Leary, a bigwig in Ryanair has started to speak of outpricing luggage on Ryanair. Mr Gates had dreamt of a PC on every desktop (was it Gates? the seventies seem so far away). Now Mr O’Leary dreams of luggage free travel. Which is why Ryanair has started its own crusade against anyone who insists on carrying anything but his own person past check-in.

Presumably we are still far away from travelling nude (although a German airline has already “been there, done that”) but the next closest thing is travelling ultra-light with just your iPod and wallet in your pocket. O’Leary’s Ryanair already slapped exporbitant prices on the first suitcase, additional suitcases, hand-luggage and even wheelchairs. Ryanair will soon try to wean passengers off check-in and check-in desks preferring the internet check in business. Obviously internet check-in is much easier sans bags and suitcase.

There’s no denying that beyond all the bullshit claims of efficient flying, Ryanair’s “bus-in-the-sky” idea is really aimed at cutting costs involving ground staff from check-in attendants to luggage handlers. Hell if they could they’d get robots to fly the darn planes. Ryanair already show a customer-unfriendly aversion to ground staff in general which is why they can get off with claiming that a flight that flies 37 hours late is “delayed”.

But back to Generation Why. The norm of travelling with some form of suitcase is being challenged. Some experimental online sites even offer a packed bag at your next destination. As with most such experiments it is the rich executives who get to try it out first. We would not be surprised however to see some new marketing campaign with a baggage to fit at your destination – first ones that come to mind are the seaside bags with the bare essentials like trunks, sunglasses and towel with hawaiian shirt and havaianas to boot!

On the other hand we might stop trying to let our imagination run wild and remember that Ryanair is a choice among many. We might speculate that rather than change our travel habits and form a Generation Why of light Travelers, all that Ryanair is doing is pushing away further consumers once they have… to put it in a weak pun… seen the light.