Categories
Hunting

Thought for Food

thought_akkuza

The British election campaign kicked off in earnest this week. The Tory chief has been caught red-handed eating a hot dog with the use of a fork and knife – and nowadays that kind of information hits the headlines just as readily as a decision on nuclear disarmament. Cameron’s error lies in the fact that he was at a voters BBQ trying to look as unposh as is conservatively possible – the people’s man with rolled up sleeves (we can still spot the cuff links) and guzzling beer. It all went Pete Tong when Cameron failed to brave the hands on approach and opted for the cutlery (a historical frog import to boot – no kniffs and focks before the Normans).

Faux pas indeed! In these days of plastic politics when the Ken and Barbie approach is preferred over moral and values, knowing how to chew on your designated lunch is part and parcel of the PR. Ed Milliband learnt a thing or two about this when he was caught on camera struggling with his bacon sandwich and his reputation has suffered ever since.

Gastronomical issues have also formed part of the Hunting Referendum debate. Of course I am mildly suspicious of a hunter who tries to justify his right to shoot to kill by claiming that he intends to consume his prey. I love quails mind you, especially when cooked right, but I don’t see why your average gun toting primate cannot head for the nearest supermarket and buy his own rather than importune a breeding population (and others) during the mating season.

Prime Minister Muscat tries to give the impression that he would gladly share tripe with most hunters (that’s a bastardisation of a Maltese expression (“tiekol il-kirxa ma’) which implies a close level of friendship and familiarity. He’s played his cards quite well when it comes to this hunting business, playing as usual on misinformation, half-truths and downright lies. Originally Muscat comes from hunter territory so you could not blame him for some affinity with the shooters. The thing is though that we have gotten used to Muscat’s very macchiavellian calculations – he is prepared to enact shoddy badly prepared laws, sell off public land, give tax discounts (without any idea of where the money will come) and lie with developers and real estate magnates complete with building violation amnesties. All that and more to stay in power.

In short the most gastronomic our PM and his party can get is when they have their mouths in the trough and are busy guzzling away at the public’s expense.

Think of that while you’re having today’s lunch.

 

And don’t forget… vote No.

Categories
Arts

Ars Culinaris

J’accuse rarely ventures into the field of culinary blogging or, for that matter, of restaurant reviewing. We do drop a mention of a place that has tickled our senses every now and then but we very rarely sit down to blog simply to write poems and sing songs about one particular establishment. Well the time has come to do so and that is because this restaurant nestled in the heart of Sodom (aka Paceville) merits every bit of attention your eyes, your palate and your pocket can afford. This is not a restaurant review – we do not purport to be vested with that kind of expertise – this is a standing ovation that was virtually imposed by the delivery of good food in circumstances that exalt the importance of normality.

It goes without saying that Malta’s Best Restaurant (as per J’accuse) is based in Paceville. Sandwiched between on the one hand the shooter-shop clad steps that lead to the ex-O’Caseys (now a shisha bar of minimal furbishment) and on the other the ever popular Eden Cinemas that still enjoy the virtual monopoly of Hollywoodian vision on the islands is a lovely mainly fish restaurant that serves Italian inspired delicacies. The motto chosen by this establishment is “arte nel cibo” (art in food) and believe you me that art it is and food you will get.

If like me you hate the fancier side of eating out (and by fancy I mean the silver service rubbish with a waiter dedicated to topping your glass every time you dare sip out a few millilitres of the liquid) then fear not. At this restaurant you will get all the attention you deserve with the ubiquitous presence of a few ultra-efficient serveurs. Wine will be topped, chilled, decanted or whatever tickles your viticultural nerves without too much of that formal kow-towing that tends to transform a formal night out into some rigid masonic ritual.

La carte is simple without too much fluff. At the end of the day your choice is mind-blowingly basic – fresh fish or (if the creatures of the sea are not your idea of mmm) then chunks from beasts of the land are available in different forms therein to sink your teeth. Do listen to what the knowledgeable persons have to say about the specials of the day but if you are particularly curious to find out the best of what this kitchen has to offer then you will love the Menu Degustation – best ventured into in groups of 6+.

I will not describe the food itself nor the creations that I and my happy companions tasted on that particular night. I will only urge you to take a special evening out and head straight to Sciacca – for that is the establishment’s name. Sample the art that is all around you – from an unintrusive but pleasant decor to the simple delicacy of every morsel that is on offer. The only gripe I could find is the missing Gewurztraminer from the wine list – but that is a very personal gripe and peccadillo and the Australian Riesling was just fine in its stead.

So there you go. Head over to Sciacca today, or tomorrow, or as soon as you can. Trust me. It’s worth it.

Sciacca – arte nel cibo – is in Paceville, St. Julian’s.

Categories
Travel

Feel Good Inc.

Part 1 – food

A holiday planned around a wedding in Cambridge was a great opportunity to really relax and switch off. While I could not really resist the temptation to hook onto WiFi and catch up on the news outside, I found the pull of the great town (its history, its food and its shops) to be  a soothing palliative to the stress of recent months. Yep, J’accuse went on a sort of mental shut down while walking from college to college in the old University town.

Holiday also meant that the Dukan Diet got a deserved break that kicked off with pork scratching entrées at The Chophouse outside King’s College. They’re fabulous, especially dipped in an apple cider purée and washed down well with a Pinot Gris (we had to add a touch of Greater Luxembourg to the first meal). If you do get down to the Chophouse there is one desert that cannot be missed – the (gluten free) fruit crumble. Divinity on a plate.

I still get impressed at the sanitised manner in which food – packed food and food that screams “I’m both retro and healthy” – is approached in the UK. Places like PRET, EAT and the like line up salad after salad and take-away wraps confounding both stomach and mind as to the choice for the quick solution to accompany your adjective ridden coffee.

Even the Crowne Plaza breakfast coffee is “proudly brewed by Starbucks” which means that your adventure to get the right cappuccino or espresso has to start from outside the haven of the otherwise magnificent breakfast table at the hotel. No worries – Cambridge does not even need to offer you a faux italian establishment for a good brew of the grain (vide Don Pasquale’s in the market square). Just pop over to Fitzbillie’s where your excellent espresso/capuccino/macchiato can be downed with a bite of the Chelsea buns that form the foundations of Fitzbillie’s growing reputation.

For good local food there are two solutions: a pub lunch is always a pleasant option – try the Anchor for example where you can sit back and enjoy the punters if like us you’ve found some clement weather. If you want to have the wankellectual solution then try the Eagle Pub (round the corner from the Chophouse) where Watson and Crick allegedly cracked the DNA idea. Better still nothing beats the marketplace for good food. I am told on a very good authority that the mouthwatering whiff of Ostrich Burgers that pervade the senses upon reaching market square do not lie. The burgers are phantasmagorically scrumptious.

If standing up to chew on a burger is not your style then do not miss out on Bill’s Cafe restaurant and Store. Tasty food homely decor and great service combine to give you an unforgettable dining experience (and moment of relaxation) amidst colourful surroundings. The hummous and halloumi sandwich is particularly exquisite – and you can walk out with a bill’s recipe book as well as some of their wonderful produce.

You can also walk out with a recipe book if you visit Jamie’s Italian. The design and decor is magnificent. The menu is brazenly simple and to the point. The food. Well. Nothing great there to be honest. Our waitress turned out to have worked at Sliema Pitch restaurant for two years before moving to Jamie’s in Cambridge. If I had to be perfectly honest the Angus Steak served at Sliema pitch is a hundred times better than the fare we got on the plate amidst the usual fuss of quaint presentations and “genuine” Italian at Jamie’s.

Cambrigde. Much more than a University town.

 

Categories
Arts Travel

Pompidou

Last Saturday we tripped off to the military town across the border. Well it is military no more and ever since the Franco-German hostilites over Alsace-Lorraine cooled down the city of Metz has been trying to reinvent itself. The Centre Pompidou inaugurated this year goes a long way in placing the beautiful city back on the map of “visitable” destinations in France. Metz is hoping to have the “Bilbao effect” in this quiet north-east corner of the hexagon.

It’s worth visiting. Not just for the Pompidou centre but also for the magnificent cathedral, for the lovely architecture that is a mélange of the attempts of the French/German occupiers to stamp their imprint on this outpost. If you do visit this corner of the world then you would not be amiss to try out the Italian restaurant on Place de Paris in Luxembourg called “La Voglia Matta“. They have an incredible choice of pastas – with the additional benefit of a copious choice of home made gluten-free pastissimi. I’m in love with the gf gnocchi quattro formaggi or the sugo di cinghiale.The restaurant is also worth visiting because of the kitschy fifties decor and magnificent view over Avenue de la Liberté – book a window seat to really enjoy the experience!

Skip dessert at the restaurant (you’ll have no space for it anyway) and drive/bus to the City Concorde in Bertrange for one of the best ice-creams on the face of this planet. It’s another Italian establishment called Franky. My favourite is a fiordilatte/chocolate mix though you cannot be disappointed by any of the tastes on sale.

The Pompidou Photoshoot (feat. LL & the innocent bystanders):

Categories
Articles

J'accuse : Intemperate Winds

It’s a windy Sunday, or at least it’s supposed to be. That’s if the weatherman got his calculations right and a strong wind should have been blowing across the island since last night acting as a downright spoiler to whatever estival events you might have planned. For me that means that a boat trip with the extended family will not be taking place this afternoon and that I will have to forego the last visit to the various nooks and crannies of Comino and Gozo. To others, this ill wind scattering uninvited across the isles has meant a forfeit of an evening of melodic entertainment with Malta’s favourite musical son and Signor Cocciante.

Doubtless the anti-open theatre lobby will already be smirking and repeating the “I told you so” mantra about the usefulness of open air theatres and events in Malta. The crowing started earlier this week when the predicament of the European Baroque Orchestra showed up the limitations imposed by our humid environment on most instruments in open air. To be fair I did not really see the point of so much complaining when I sat through the splendidly set Midsummer Night’s Dream in the Argotti gardens (Bravo Globe Theatre people). While the occasional firework might have proven to be a slight distraction every now and then, the most distracting noise on the evening turned out to be a tiff between cats towards the end of the performance.

All this probably leaves a hung jury on the business of the pros and cons of outside performances at the end of the day although I am beginning to be convinced by the arguments favouring a revision of the City Gate plans to incorporate a roofed lot where the Opera House used to be.

Mistral

But back to the ill wind. It has been a splendiferous couple of days barring the couple of hours when the sweltering heat combined with the drenching humidity sufficed to send any reasonable man in tilt. I cannot stop singing the praises of some of Malta’s finest beaches – top among which must be Ghadira Bay. It might take a humungous effort of coordination and civic consciousness but the crystal waters and the absence of beach louts are enough to make you want to visit the beach again, again and again. Undoubtedly Malta’s best advert is Mother Nature herself.

Unfortunately we do not seem to be too keen on preserving the more natural side of the equation. It’s not just nature in the tree-hugging sort of sense. There are also more modern kinds of pollution that lead me to marvel at how tourists are not abandoning the islands in droves. Whatever happened, for example, to the rule/law of no major construction works in tourist areas in the summer months? Have the PLPN benefactors had their way again? Why does the man with the jackhammer still wake up anyone within listening distance of Church Street, Paceville at 8am and how does he walk away from his job after four hours daily of constant hammering. Does not prolonged use of a pneumatic drill turn a man into a human vibrator?

Another thing. Who, and with what divine inspiration, allowed the myriad cranes to apparate along the main thoroughfares of Paceville without so much of a by your leave? Paceville must be the only corner of Malta to witness 24-hour gridlock. The carefully planned (do you smell the sarcasm?) blockage of more parking spaces in Saint George’s Road (for Pender Place trucks to exit occasionally) must be second in uselessness only to the massive new “No Parking” footprint (at least six places) blocked out by the new boutique student harem/hotel known as The George. You would think that if new hotels come complete with underground parking they need not block a whole street of parking places.

Scirocco

Out on a boat trip on Friday (course reunion – never put 14 lawyers in one boat – which is why we used two) I could witness the growth and growth of the buildings along the coast from Valletta to Comino. Sliema is particularly impressive though not, obviously, to the levels of the Manhattan skyline that one can see on an evening trip on the New York Water taxi. A question that rings through your mind as you cruise along the beautiful waters is how much public land is dedicated to private building and foreclosed from public use. The saddest picture of them all must be the tiny tower dwarfed by a hotel in the Saint George’s Bay area. It yells for help surrounded by the walls of concrete – a fate soon to be shared by the tower at the end of Tigné Point.

One of my colleagues raised an interesting question regarding the foul smelling tuna farms. Technically speaking the area of the sea in which these tuna farms are kept is public property. How much of that public property generates returns to the benefit of the nation? Which set me thinking that if this was Venezuela we’d have nationalised the tuna farms ages ago. Instead we make do with a pittance of taxation on a product reared on public property and which incidentally leaves a nice oily trail on our seabed. Spiffin’.

Levante

Leaving nature and the seabed behind us there’s still things political going on in this island of Don Camillo and Peppone. News of Sliema’s young mayor being locked out of his own council’s emergency meeting made the headlines this week as yet another mayor seems to have to deal with a mutiny on his hands. This follows hot on the heels of the Fgura incident where another young mayor was sidelined by his own party – supposedly for his own good. Are the young studs of the PLPN stables finding the kitchen too hot to handle?

Meanwhile in Zebbug it was not the mayor making the headlines but the parish priest. Father Daniel Cardona erected a temporary billboard (we assume it is temporary for there is a temporary indulgence of 21 days from the requirement of Mepa permits if a billboard has a socio-religious function). The infamous quote of Malachi 2:16 has now become “God does not want divorce” – to which the obvious answer should be “God has no vote”.

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Now I have no problem with the Catholic Church or members thereof airing their opinion publicly about the best future of civil legislation on the institute of marriage and its possible dissolution. As any other member of this open society of ours, and as one which has long influenced its staggered progress towards the future, the Church too has a role and understandable influence on what happens in our society. Which does not mean to say that its “catholic” and universal elements still hold automatically. If the civil debate on whether or not to allow divorce should centre around the issue of whether deities approve of such dissolution then we might as well resort to augurs and the slaying of goats on altars as we read the signs in their entrails.

This is proving to be hard to explain to the weak-willed believers who are unable to come to terms with the fact that the availability of divorce does not perforce mean that they themselves will be forced to avail of it. I should hope that we will not get stuck discussing the finer elements of divination while ignoring the more secular of arguments that should be relevant to this discussion. Once again J’accuse laments the fact that the only party with the balls to take a definite stand on the issue of the introduction of divorce is the one that has been effectively ostracised by the voting population. Such is our ironic predicament. Bring on the cohabitation Bill – there seems not to be a Malachi quote to tell us of God’s will on that particular issue.

Libeccio

I’ve left the worst wind for Gozitan commuters for last. I didn’t spend enough time on Gozo this time round and must make amends as soon as possible. Last Sunday though I did get to eat at one of Gozo’s best kept secrets. Il-Lantern restaurant at Marsalforn (part of the guesthouse in Qbajjar Road) serves what is probably the best rabbit spaghetti and stew in the whole of the Maltese islands. A footballing buddy of my youth, Rafel, braves the heat of the kitchen to provide you with a five-star homely stew fit for the palate of a king. Don’t expect refined silver service – it would not befit the ambience – but do expect a welcoming smile and good hearty food that your grandma would enjoy without batting an eyelid. Sunday visitors can also buy the Indy on the way in.

It’s been a fun break back home packed with sun, food and sea. It will be hard to slog back to Mitteleuropa where the winds are known to reach over 120 km/h and where most concerts and activities are held indoors in magnificent theatres but a man needs to get bread to the table. Even if most of it is gluten free. I’m over and out from Paceville, Saint Julian’s, Malta.

www.akkuza.com returns to Luxembourg by Tuesday. Back to basics and blogging for Malta’s longest-running source of indy punditry.

This article and accompanying Bertoon appear in today’s edition of The Malta Independent on Sunday