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I.M. Jack – the one about satire

Today’s Times editorial invites readers “to get serious about laughter” and is an appeal to learn how to laugh about ourselves once more. I read a good article by David Quantick in the UK Independent yesterday in which he welcomed the return of political satire on prime time TV. ‘Twas the post-Thatcher 90’s that killed it you know – and the inability of satirists to let go of the facile spoofing of personalities and return to the dark minefield of satirising issues.

Seriously Funny

We’ve seen it all. The long arm of the law applied to carnival (priests, Jesus and his disciples), to what classifies as “comedy” on TV (Bla Kondixin‘ VIP Xow’s (thanks PG) shoe throwing stunt) and more. If the Maltese are relentless in their beliefs then there is little room for humour quoth the Times editor. M.A. Falzon, writing in the Times two years ago today had attempted to translate the local version of satire to “nejk” – a realm of “banter, jokes and jestful blasphemy” that “rarely makes it into the public sphere”.

Falzon suggested that the reason we find it hard to write (or understand) “nejk” in English is that English generally means serious business with little room for humour. Maltese – with all its “nejk” – is limited to the vernacular – always according to Falzon (and he does worry that “Linguistic nationalists will eat me alive for this”).

I’m not too sure about Falzon’s theory though there is some truth in the fact that the Maltese concept of “comedy” (and not necessarily satire) might differ radically from that of the Anglo-Saxons or French to mention but two others. Incidentally the other field that has been at the receiving end of the grossly overblown and outdated baton of the law is the field of literature. The point of overlap in the venn diagram seems to be a shady area of “taste” that somehow is qualified in terms of either “obscenity/vulgarity” or “immoral/unholy”.

In both cases what is now being waved around as a case of “Censorship in Malta” is really an outdated reaction to provoking events that could (and have been) be seen as being immoral – obscene – vulgar – unholy/blasphemous if taken from a conservative point of view. Whether that means that we are witnessing a real censorship of the “political” kind with the Maltese equivalent(s) of Solzenhitsyn rushing to exile is questionable. True there is an archaic law and perception that needs to be challenged – one that exalts a fictitious mentality of close-mindedness, religiosity and prudeness and does not take in the alternate reality of “nejk” within which we really live.

Does this seem funny to you?

Are we capable of being satirical? Is there space to caricaturise our politicians and their decisions. Can we even caricaturise ourselves in our everyday life to the point of subtle satire? We think that it is more than possible and that it is already being done in spurts. We mostly do not know how to react to it. The impression of a communist style politburo censoring every vague thought is a false one. As I said elsewhere J’accuse has never been censored no matter how critical it has been of the PLPN establishment.

Ignored? Yes. Attempts at character assassination? Of course it’s how business is done. But censored? Nope. Nyet. Sorry. And neither has any of the other variety of columnists/non-columnists been told not to speak their mind. I’m quite sure of that. We do not have censorship in Malta. We have the retarded (sic) application of archaic provisions that is distracting us from a possible development of our literature (maybe).

It’s literature that might not even intend to be funny. Take Vella Gera’s “Li Tkisser Sewwi”. I’m sure Alex never intended to be in the limelight (he says so himself) and never expected this kind of reaction (he said so too). He just woke up one day to find that his particular mode of expression is -according to the police, still to be seen by the court – considered as either obscene or vulgar in the eyes of the law that regulates our society.

Is it censorship? No. I don’t think so. I think it is the result of a society that is uncomfortable with itself when it looks in the mirror. What does that say about the future of satire in Malta.

It says it is possible. But that we have a long, long way to go. It goes beyond politicians or expected saviours (Oliver? Why Oliver?). It goes straight to the heart of what literature can be all about. Provocative, illuminating, and often a satirical exposé of the state of a nation. Warts, cunts, penises and all.

Funny that. He said “exposé”.

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I.M. Jack – La Grippe

A day spent in the grips of  La Grippe (the common cold) meant a workday lost and blog day lost. Incredibly there’s more news to comment on than ever before – the storm we predicted a while ago is here and thank heavens for that. Here’s the snippets that we love best on I.M. Jack.

1. Middle Class

Yep. He’s definitely fixated with it and he will not let go and I am not speaking about Ed Miliband – at least he has the excuse of being a neo-Marxist. It’s (Inhobbkom) Joseph and his toying with multiple ideas like revisiting Labour’s history (more like reinventing) and redefining social castes in some mind boggling effort to garner support. Then we have the “innovative” concept of “the living wage” which has the Labour supporters drooling head over heels for a concept first flagged by a long forgotten pope at the beginning of the 20th century. I tried to find out more about what the living wage really is and basically it turns out to be a wage that allows people to live by being able to afford their basic necessities plus a bit. It threw me back to the Great Stipend Survey of 1999 when our KSU studied the expenses and costs of living of 500 students in what was definitely the most detailed survey to date. We argued that a stipend should cover these basic necessities (from transport to hygiene) and thus allow students to be non-dependent while also keeping them out of the labour market. That was a stipend argument (stipends Joseph – not a wage from an employer combined with a parrinu) Joseph’s seems to be a duty of society towards those who currently do not do enough to justify an increase in wages. Funny how he believes that the disgruntled employers – angry at years of Nationalist cheek – will usher him in only to find that they are being asked to foot the bill for the special needs of their employees. Instead of creating better economic conditions for workers to work their way up the ladder Joseph Muscat’s government will pass on the burden of improved conditions to employers. Good luck with that.

2. VAT’s next?

Paul Borg Olivier is in a fix because he now faces charges for not filing a tax return on time. Or something administrative of the sort. Like Daphne and Harry before him he is a bit of a fix with the law but more than that he has a problem with the very standards he has been busy imposing within his own party. The chaps in charge seem to have suddenly caught a bout of collective amnesia and nobody within the PN seems to be asking PBO to step aside – at least until his fiscal worries are over. Now that’s weird – especially coming straight up after the exacting conditions PBO himself set on all and sundry in the council. “Dimech or your mother” still echoes in the halls of Pietà. Meanwhile the Chancellor of the Exchequer (or the man who would occupy that position if it existed in Maltese politics) has gone all funny laughing off an incident about his maid not having been a registered worker. In a case of foot in mouth worthy of a nationalist party secretary general Tonio really has pulled all the shots in this one. I can sympathise with Tonio having registered a maid in Luxembourg myself only to have her f-off after two sessions and live off my taxes (I still had to pay her) while she enjoyed the whole incubation period of her latest offspring. I found out later that it was a scam perpetrated by many a maid in Luxembourg (in collaboration with doctors) and that honest tax payers like myself would often find themselves paying social security for registered maids who never ever turned up for work. But back to Tonio – it’s just not done is it? Not by a minister. What is this world coming to? Next we’ll have an association of contractors with a convicted criminal as secretary or something of that sort.

3. Disset Axed

Then there was the nationalist outpost known as PBS. We hesitated tagging this label before but now that the only two current affairs programs on national television are … wait for it… Bondiplus and Xarabank we cannot but go along with our original suspicions. There is no explaining why PBS’s only remaining investigative and informative programme would be axed unless there was a dire need to REALLY make it a one note band. We’re really looking forward to a season of Bondipluses regaling us with the oh so interesting story of attempts to dive into the Etna or about the farmer who has homosexual chickens that can play the guitar while ringing a bell. You know what I mean. Speaking of Bondiplus, the subject least tackled on the programme last year is back in the courts. Plategate continued today with a new, drier examination of testimonies – bafflingly 6 months have gone by and the Times reporter still cannot tell the difference between a blog and a post. Ah these paragons of reporting.

4. Gandir Malta

If you do not have it on facebook add it – Gandir Malta (Ahbarijiet tan-nejk minn Malta). It is busy doing to Maltastar and Maltese news in general what J’accuse used to do a while back when we had more time. We love the humour and we really dig the vibe. Keep it up Gandir!

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I.M. Jack : The Secular Post Edition

Gode di Immunità Ecclesiastica
The sponsors of the anti-divorce billboard erected by the Zebbug Parish are performing all sorts of cartwheels in order to make it clear that they are actually fence-sitters of the prime order and are neither for or against divorce. I guess it is important to know that Mega Tech of Mdina Road, Zebbug, fine purveyors of electronic gaming, have absolutely no opinion whatsoever in favour or against divorce though I am sure you could buy a copy of The Sims (check out the Guide to Marriage in the Sims at the end of this post) from the establishment – complete with married couples and all.

I like the way Jason Grech of Mega Tech used the smoking metaphor for an analogy as to why sponsors should not be associated with the message. Rothmans used to sponsor the football league, he says, but it does not mean that smoking is good for footballers. Bank of Valletta are into their tenth year of sponsoring the MFA’s premier league and we are inching towards legislation that bans advertising of cigarettes completely. That’s the thing about advertising Jason, it’s full of those irritating messages you can’t control. You should stick to the PLPN way – you give them the off the books bung and the Curia/Parish will give you a highway to heaven.

Apparently the church billboard did not need a permit because it fell under socio-religious classification which means it can be erected for 21 days without a permit. I wonder if some company is willing to sponsor the J’accuse Billboard that we could erect in Zebbug square for 21 days – it would state “God has no vote/ Alla m’ghandux vot”. Anonymous bungs accepted.

Tut Tut Flies and Aedes Albopictus

This is an Aedes albopictus female mosquito ob...
Image via Wikipedia

No new sightings have been made of the dangerous Asian Tiger Mosquito in Malta. The albino-like varmint had shaken a few feathers with two sightings in September and November. It is a carrier of such niceties as dengue and yellow fevers. Thankfully the committee specially appointed by the government for the search and destroy mission did not make any further sightings. What Malta is still full of is the local “tut tut” fly. People complaining endlessly about the heat (justified), prices (not entirely justified) and anything they can complain about in mid conversation. Speaking of mid-conversation, J’accuse spotted fellow a fellow Luxembourg dweller bravely wearing these pink crocs at the Embassy in Valletta.

crocs spotted at embassy

Driving Maniacs

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever why we should wonder at all the accidents happening this summer. How can you marvel when walking or driving involves exposing your self to manifest danger for life and limb. Students equipped with almost half a brain pop out at the most improbable of places to cross the road. Yesterday I risked a head on collision from behind in order to slow down for two absolute nincompoops who were crossing a dark road on Regional Road at Saint Andrew’s right at the blind corner after the lights at Jessie’s Bar (direction Qawra). If I was not risking a mad bus ramming my rented 107 I would have got out of the car and given them a good beating myself such was the anger they provoked with their nonchalant attitude towards safety.

Students living at the Coastline hotel are waiting for the lights to turn green before crossing. (Green for them not for the cars of course). Which does not mean that an accident will not happen there any time soon. It just takes one hair brained crosser or worse one of those arseholes who think that the coast road is Le Mans revisited and boom you have your “tilef il-kontroll tal-vettura” and “ghal xi raguni ma hix maghrufa” all over again. Bugger to all that. We should reintroduce impaling as a punishment for serious traffic offences.

Valletta & Paceville

The capital is getting nicer and nicer what with all the embellishments and road works. At least they are worth something ad maiorem popoli commoditatem unlike the cacophonic chaos that are the works in the streets of the suburb that never sleeps. Check out my funky snapshots of the city (on my facebook album). I enjoyed taking them with my little Nikon Coolpix. You’ve just gotta love the Public Convenience in Strait Street. I also managed to be in VLT at midday to witness the St George’s Square spitting to music thingy. Water bounced and jumped to Charles Camilleri.

I think I like what they’ve done to the square (whose surface looks like an Olly and Benjy football pitch) but it still will never justify the expenses that were dispensed for the launching concert. It’s benches, lampposts and a couple of water spitters. At least we can console ourselves that urban planners have finally discovered the pleasures of open spaces. Slowly, slowly.

***

Guide to Marriage in the Sims (from ask.com)

A gay proposal in The Sims (yes, it also means happy)

“The Sims” is a fun simulation that gets some parts of life right. We all get cranky if we don’t have enough fun, food, and rest. But when it comes to marriage, the game is very different.

Steps to Getting Married
Friendship is a requirement for Sims to get married. They have to have a relationship score of 70. Then it is safe to turn on the heat, by lots of kissing and hugging. The proposal action becomes available once the relationship score is met. In order for a proposal to be accepted, the potential spouse needs to be in a good mood. They can easily refuse the proposal just because they aren’t hungry or need to empty their bladder. Once you are sure they are in a good mood, then propose. But even then, nothing is guaranteed.
The Wedding

When the proposal is accepted the Sims will immediately have a wedding. They change into wedding clothes and that’s it!

After the Wedding
The visiting sim will move into the home adding their assets to the bank account. The last name of the Sim moving in is changed. Children of the new spouse will move in as well, except if there is another adult at the original home.

Divorce? New Spouse?
Once married, that’s it! No divorce for Sims. They can, however, marry other Sims. Each Sim can have multiple spouses. A male Sim could have 7 other wives living with him, as long as he proposed to each in his own home.

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At a Medium Pace

I am not referring to Adam Sandler’s very pornographic parody of a song that is freely available on the net for anybody who is intelligent enough to search YouTube. I am referring, rather, to the very gradual unfolding of new posts on this blog. Believe me when I say that I have a 101 new subjects to post about and they vary from freedom of speech to constitutional discourse to sport to gadgetry and travel. What has happened of course is that having returned from ten days of gallivanting I have found a desk loaded with work and the little time I have to spare is spent obsessively following the unravelling of one of the best world cups in the last two decades. I know there are PR contracts to speak about, shameful re-marketing of poverty, church and state relations in the light of US court developments and more. It’s a shame really that such a gold mine that should be conducive to blogorrheic activity will go undiscovered for now. Unfortunately I have to pass on for a little more. In the meantime I take to bed with me the 82 page decision of the Maltese constitutional court. It’s my third and a half reading. Do bear with me before you get a nice long post about it all – from a new perspective I hope. And oh. Did I tell you? I bought a Macbook pro. We’re soon going to elope to Las Vegas and get married. Don’t tell my better half. She might get jealous. Over and out.t