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J'accuse : Show me the funny

Laughter, they say, is the best medicine. More often than not a good sense of humour is the ideal sort of equipment to deal with hard times – that and a constant reminder that “this too shall pass”. The intelligent ability to make light of one’s own troubles must not be confused with ignorance of the predicament in which one finds oneself. Any event has an inherent absurd ring to it and humour is the exploration of the absurdity in a conscious decision to highlight the very absurd while assuaging the potential discomfort.

There comes a point though when the shield of humour starts to melt in your own hands. It’s the point where it stops being funny. The joke is old, the joke is stale or, worse still, the joke risks backfiring into something more dangerous. At that point it becomes very difficult to continue to rely on the medicine that is laughter. At that point it is difficult to “find it funny”.

It stops being funny when it happens too often

Take Thursday morning. I’m sure quite a few who found themselves waking up to what seemed to be the zillionth power failure thought of a hundred new jokes. The first reaction is the “Only in Malta” syndrome – you know the type; we’ve been cracking this kind of joke ever since Freedom/Indepen-dence. As a kid I remember finding the “Malta, We Love Malta” song side-splittingly hilarious what with all its references to driving wherever there is shade and all. In the eighties period of electricity by ration, we coped and we coped through humour. In the noughties we developed a panoply of repartees about the infamous Boiler No. 7.

Yep. The inanimate creaking boiler in Marsa became the star of the show with its own Facebook page and fans. Meanwhile, where was everybody? Everybody was in the dark. The humour had been accompanied with a sort of resignation. The “Xi trid taghmel?” (What can one do?) mentality stepped in. It is the net result of a coping mechanism on a national scale: the humoured tolerance of mediocre alternation at the head and administration of our country. We’ll joke about it even when another committee is appointed, in James Hacker style, to investigate the latest fault and conclude to a bemused populace that: “Yes, we can screw it up… again (and again)”.

Humour can help us cope with the darnest of abuses in a democracy. We joke that it is only in totalitarian countries that facts are suppressed – in democracies they take decisions not to publish them. Once the joke is said it is practically OK. A little mantra that delivers these sins away from our heads. Like the gaseous build up in the stomach, it is soon forgotten once the fart is delivered. (Pardon my toilet metaphor but hey, I HAVE to make you laugh along the way).

So while we have been regaled with sufficient blackouts to qualify for BBC Africa’s online competition for “Best Power Cut Story” (yes, it’s true – and there is no European version), we still find no problem with the fact that our two surest bets for representation (on current rules) seem to be taking the joke a bit too far. I am not too sure how much longer the man in the street can keep wielding his humour shield the next time the South is thrown into chaos because of one traffic light (one,) but somehow I think it has all got to do with the inability to link that occurrence to Labour’s walk-out from the Committee of Strengthening Democracy and PN’s Sir Humphreyesque flustering away from accountability. Vote for change? Ha! Now that’s a funny one.

It’s not funny if the wrong people heard it

Karl Farrugia, aged 24 with a residence in Swieqi, was reluctantly rocketed to the top ten list of “Only in Malta” notoriety under the special section ‘weird but true’. Farrugia provided more living proof of the current human inability to manage his Internet presence with the necessary care. As a citizen of proud Roman Catholic Malta, he should have known better than join the Facebook group called “No to the Pope in Malta”. His greater crime was to suggest in a comment on the same group that should Ben XVI want to feel closer to J.C. then all we had to do was to perforate his limbs with the use of projectiles. In other words shoot bullets through the papal palms and feet.

No doubt, Farrugia’s comment will not register as the most intelligent to date but there is something infinitely sad in the story that followed. Farrugia was prosecuted under the Press Act provisions on, among other things, “incitement to violence” and ended up being fined €500 for his fine work on the website. You guessed it Karl… it ain’t funny and nobody is laughing. I had quite a few problems digesting this case and a thorough discussion is still open ended on J’accuse the blog. I will refrain from such legalistic phraseology like context and intent, but I’d like to dwell on the relative issues involved.

A man called Mario Grech gave a speech to an assembled congregation in a largish hall last week. During that speech Mario warned the congregation of the perils of liberalism while describing such liberalism as a “disease” that required some form of “cure”. Quite exactly what kind of pills Mario would be suggesting to cure this latest affliction (I hope it’s not as bad as avian flu) is beyond me and beside the point. Now this speech could (and I stress the could) have offended a few individuals who call themselves humanists. They are appalled that an individual can stand up before a crowd in public and make such calls that are vaguely reminiscent of purges and suchlike.

It simplifies matters no end that the aforementioned man Mario is one who is often seen wearing a pointy hat and armed with a long stick (mostly harmless though), and that the largish hall was a temple of worship of what is by many considered the dominant religious denomination of the country. Yep. Bishop Mario Galea thinks liberalism is up to no good and the humanists are furious. They are doubly furious actually – firstly that His Pointy Hattedness should even consider equating their philosophy to a disease, and secondly that the laws of the land did not pounce to their rescue with the same readiness and willingness as they did in the case of Karl. Ben XVIth was after all a foreigner in our land – humanists such as Raphael Vassallo are not. What then?

I find all this contradictory mess worrying. Malta is not alone in asking these questions (and in having had enough with the coping mechanism that is humour). A colleague recently pointed out a brilliant essay by Gustavo Zagrebelsky – former Italian constitutional court judge. Written in 2006, it is called “The Paladins of Identity and Tolerance in the West”. Here’s Zagrebelsky on the problem of democratic society: “Whoever recognises himself in democracy would say: in order to defend it let us operate with a spirit of concord, let us battle the arrogance and plutocracy, let us respect each other, cultivate legality, promote solidarity, give security to the poor and slow down social competition. In other words: let us not give up on ourselves, on what we are and what we believe, let us correct the defects and combat that which disfigures us. Instead no. Instead we say: enough of this (identity), let us give ourselves another, a militant identity that makes us recognisable not to each other but against each other. Instead we say that the institutions should not be neutral but should serve this battle and all the worse for he who does not recognise them. Instead we believe that identity justifies the sacrifice of others. Giving ourselves this very kind of identity means precisely to promote a battle between civilisations.”

I want to live in a society where both the Church and the Humanists can feel comfortable expressing themselves and their idea of what a just society is about. I don’t want to live in a society where any of the two (or anyone else) is busy imposing their idea on all the rest. I’d hate to live in that kind of joke, and quite frankly I don’t think it’s funny.

bert4j_100523

The secret of comedy? … timing

Someone who has no time for humour at the moment is Madame Merkel. She’s been shaking the markets like there’s no tomorrow, and although I never thought I’d say this, I think that the Germans do have a point. The euro states cannot expect to have a free ride only to go sucking at the German breast whenever there is a problem. The benefits of the eurozone will require the strict rigours of better discipline. Even General Sarkozy has recognised that as he prepares to amend the French Constitution to that effect.

Another unfunny bit of sabre rattling is going on in the Far East. The two Ks are at it again as a report has finally shown that a North Korean torpedo had actually sunk a South Korean warship. It’s not exactly battleships we are talking about and there is a real risk of war that would only add to the unsettling state of affairs that we have witnessed in Thailand in the past days. All the more worry for the economic markets – all the worse for our beloved euro.

Lastly, look out at the big battle of Facebook v the World as the social networking giant faces its moment of truth. Will its lackadaisical treatment of private data signal the beginning of the end for the facebook model? Will Facebook and Google recover from recent slips in PR thanks to their gaffes on the data protection side? All that and more promises to be an interesting development – is Web 3.0 round the corner?

www.akkuza.com featured Humanists, Catholics, Bondiplus and the BA this week. More fun coming up next week as the sun has finally come to Luxembourg.

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Mediawatch

Gurnalizmu fuq Kollox – the Sunday quotes

Some time ago J’accuse commented on how Bondi’s programme Bondiplus represented the death of investigative journalism. Only last week we pointed out the incongruency of the next programme planned by Lou – with Norman Lowell as guest. So. Is it still Gurnalizmu fuq Kollox? Hardly. Here’s what was said in the press today:

The day after last Monday’s show, when people were aghast in that very ‘what was Bondi thinking’ sort of way, disturbed by the exposure he was given, seeing it as some sort of incitement to racial hatred, I on the other hand seemed unable to fathom what all the fuss was about. Lowell worries me as much as Mary Poppins does. The only worrying thing about last Monday’s programme was that we were hardly going to be in for any surprises and we certainly were not going to hear anything we hadn’t already heard before. – Mikela Spiteri (“Our very own inglorious basterd“, Times)

When you consider these factors, it’s not surprising to see why Bondi invited Lowell along during a period when the topic of immigration is not very topical. Put yourself in his shoes. You can root around for a relevant subject (preferably one that puts the Labour Party in a bad light and hasn’t already been done to death in previous editions), spend long hours carrying out tedious research, and then have a programme where people only wake up for the closing credits and Rod Stewart crooning away. Alternatively, you could invite Lowell, choose choice extracts from a book which has been published for years, make a quick photomontage of black icons, and let Lowell do the talking. You’d be guaranteed a much wider audience with minimal effort, and if it was audience survey week, you’d be in with a winner. Never mind the fact that you’re providing a visibility platform for someone who spouts obnoxious and criminal views. That’s just a tiny niggle to be ignored when you’re in the business of producing ‘Programmes People Watch’. I wonder if the earlier Bondiplus slogan ‘Ġurnaliżmu Fuq Kollox’ has been replaced. It would look like it. – Claire Bonello (“Chasing ratings, not respect“, Times)

This week, Lou Bondí decided to take a break from the sublime and descend to the ridiculous. This week’s Bondí+ treated us to a people-bashing session by Norman Lowell, wearing his cravat backwards. The arguments were as cohesive as a jigsaw puzzle with several bits missing. But it was unfair of Bondí to try to put words into Lowell’s mouth by dint of repetition. – Tanja Cilia (“Blank versus“, Times)

One wonders whether these assertions will be met with the usual wall of deafening silence. There were also reactions elsewhere. The Indy reports that the BA has issued a charge against PBS for the Bondiplus Norman Lowell programme:

The Bondiplus programme led to mixed reactions and many heated discussions online, particularly on Facebook, with some arguing that the right to free speech should also include Mr Lowell’s right to express his beliefs, while others pointed out that his racist views were tantamount to incitement to hatred of specific groups, and therefore illegal. Other viewers felt that the programme only served to ridicule Mr Lowell, thus neutralising any potential influence he may have on viewers. While there were those who admitted they merely watched the programme “for a laugh”, there is real concern that Lowell’s followers are increasing in number, especially among the younger age group. (Independent)

Meanwhile Lou has been providing his guru expertise to the MZPN. Here’s a link to a pre-UK election discussion where Lou and Refalo discuss the extreme dangers of unstable government. MZPN Vid on FacebookReblog this post [with Zemanta]

It’s another we told you so moment for J’accuse. As Chris would say: we’re doing the I told you so dance… all over again.

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Articles

Daphne says Give Up

I got some advice from fellow blogger/columnist Daphne Caruana Galizia this week. “Here’s a tip, Jacques,” she said, “try writing things that people want to read. If you haven’t got yourself an audience in five years I’d say it’s time to give up.” Now it’s probably good to know that other people take such a level of interest in your welfare and blogging, and it’s probably even greater that a seasoned old-time columnist has some tips to dispense to a newbie like myself, but there’s much more to be read in that tip than appears at first.

The clue is to be found in one tiny phrase that DCG let slip in her prescription: “things that people want to read”. I know you wouldn’t guess it but you see DCG is a public relations (PR) person – a self-made marketing/communications product of the nineties and noughties. Finding out what people want to read is her bread and butter. It’s not just that though. As a dabbler in the arts of PR and marketing, she is in the business of packaging anything to make it sellable. An expert PR specialist can package something normal and make it seem to be the most desirable item in the world. Expert PR people work at Apple, Google and the like.

A dabbler in the arts of PR will not reach those dizzy levels of success – they will not become the new Steve Jobs. Instead he or she will be sufficiently well versed to understand the tricks of the trade among which is one very basic tenet: feed on the buyers’ curiosity. Being able to get as wide an audience as possible means being able to provide what that wide audience wants as effectively as possible. What could possibly attract large audiences in today’s world? Sensationalism, trash and tabloid style voyeurism that’s what. In his appreciation of DCG in MaltaToday, columnist David Friggieri described her adopted style as “trash and destroy” – aptly so.

The Romans had “panem et circenses”, the Victorians had “PT Barnum and circus freaks”, the 21st century Malta blogging scene has TYOM and Running Commentary – and boy do they have an audience. If you want to set up a blog and get “an audience” before five years then all you have to do is follow Daphne’s advice: write what the people want to read… or give up.

Thanks. But no thanks.

You see marketing people invaded the political scene in the early nineties. Look at the UK – they constructed the Blair persona and are in the process of constructing Clegg and Cameron. Now Brown is a different kettle of fish. The man has a volatile temper, is very much a down-to-earth old style politician who has little time for the marketing shenanigans of pandering for the photo-op. The poor man tries but just look what happens when he drops his guard for a moment – Bigotgate: the ultimate blunder for a politician occurred.

After having been cross-examined by a voter in a rival constituency, Brown forgot that he had his microphone still on and proceeded to describe her as a “bigoted woman”. It’s probably what most politicians think of even the most fawning of voters (just look at DCG’s appreciation of John Attard Montalto in the Indy to see what I mean,) but you don’t need a marketing expert to tell a politician that it’s just not done to be frank about these things. Don’t get me wrong – PR management and marketing definitely have a role to play in today’s communication driven political struggle but the danger is in letting them take over completely.

When I started J’accuse five years back my intention was to openly discuss ideas – not just political – with anyone interested in listening. The blog grew into a regular platform where ideas are exchanged (and yes, sometimes – thankfully rarely – insults are traded). Someone ingrained in PR cannot conceive of a different form of result than “audience” in the vulgar term of audience. J’accuse is not in the business of “selling” but is simply an expression of opinion using a (not so) new medium.

The surprise is that around 800 people log onto J’accuse on a daily basis to read what DCG describes as “boring and irrelevant” content. Others log in on a less regular basis. Frankly, we’d be happy with 50 or 10 regulars because ours is not the business of numbers. We’ve proved time and again that the moment we dabble with sensational or “what people want to read” our figures explode into the thousands – just see what happened in the recent case of The Times spoof. You need not look far for that phenomenon – the instant success that the despicable and sensational TYOM formula enjoys is proof enough.


Frankie says ‘Relax’ – DCG says ‘Give Up’

The measure of success in the PR world is audience. We’ve taken to measure the success of our arguments by the deafening wall of silence that surrounds our more inquisitive of arguments. Particularly when we know for a fact that our questions are read and that it is easier not to answer them. The advice they give us is “give up”. The hope is that the irritating presence of those asking the relevant questions will fade away if ignored. We are the elephant in the room of communications experts – those who can only write or present “what people want to read” (or what they want people to read).

This column (and blog) has asked questions of Daphne (Why now? in Plategate), Lou Bondi (the death of journalism) and (Fr) Joe Borg (more deafening silences). The questions were not complicated – they were not difficult to comprehend and they were there for all to see. It’s true – if they are ignored they will fade away and Lou Bondi will trump up another highly relevant programme like resuscitating the ghost of Norman Lowell in order to give the people what they want (rather than what would be a service to what they need). Daphne will yell until she is blue in the face that nobody reads our complicated articles while simultaneously ignoring the very pertinent questions posed therein.

It’s happened before. A year ago we asked Daphne to follow proper netiquette and provide links to J’accuse whenever she quoted huge chunks from the “boring and irrelevant content” on the blog that nobody reads. We were told that we were “bitching” and that we should be grateful for the “free publicity”. Once again DCG laboured under the impression that we should somehow feel sufficiently rewarded by gaining notoriety with the masses. Furthermore, even though we never asked for an apology, DCG told us “I am not going to apologise and backtrack”.

A year later UK blogger Charles Crawford, who had a brush with Maltese politics thanks to some conspiracy theory linking him to Gonzi’s choices for Cabinet, told Daphne off for having “quoted great chunks from my blog but without the usual blogging courtesy of giving her readers the link to my original work” (his words not mine). DCG apologised without batting an eyelid. Weights and measures? Who would have thought?

Obsessions

Yes, we do have an obsession. It’s called blogging. We love it. We love the tool as a free form of expression and quite frankly we will not be told what the measure of success of a blog is from someone who cannot even grasp the basic concept of netiquette. The reason J’accuse is also a column in The Independent is because someone somewhere saw what was written in the blog and decided it was interesting for some people. We are more than happy with the fact that the sensational content (and sporadically excellent articles – such as this week’s Pigeonhole business) are what keeps DCG’s columns in The Independent – there’s all kinds of readers for every kind of stuff.

Daphne was not the only fellow columnist this week dispensing the kind of advice to “give up”. Stephen Calleja’s column last week was called “Too weak to be called a force”. In it he invited Alternattiva Demokratika to “give up” in so many words. AD and any other respectable third party has a mountain to climb. It has to sell political ideas to voters who are trained to interact with politicians in a certain way. The Pierre Portellis and Georg Sapianos of this world will be back come next election telling people what they want to read: that a vote for the third party is a wasted vote. That these irritants should have called it a day ages ago and leave the political business to the experts – to those who have mastered the combination of marketing and politics to a T.

AD and their likes are the “tiddlers”, the small fry who will not count because their message is not packaged in proper marketing material and they do not tell the people what they want to hear. They do not “twitter” frivolous messages on Church/State separation (viz Joseph Muscat) while espousing contradictory policies. They do not pitch a marketing campaign that is good for the hunter AND for the environmentalist (gonziPN’s rainbow candidates). They are “boringly irrelevant” because of their frank and direct messages on the environment and on divorce. They might not be what people want to hear – which when combined with the obstacles of electoral law and voting traditions might be just the right formula for “giving up” and calling it a day. Or not.

Twenty years in politics and five years in blogging and what do AD and J’accuse have in common? Consistency and dedication to the truth. Frankly, I’d rather be on that side of the fence than “trashing and destroying” any day.

Breaking the rules

Well, that’s another column dedicated to confusing people with the J’accuse “boring and irrelevant” message. I’ve had to break my self-imposed limit again but I still have a few more things to add.

First of all do take a look at www.ideat.org.mt. Labour’s fledgling think-tank has published the first edition of what will be an online quarterly. The J’accuse verdict is “a job well done” – full review on the blog. Finally, there’s an attempt at engaging in politics and not marketing – let’s see if it gets viral or is destined to be marginalised like most things truly political.

It’s the first of May as I type so I should be wishing all workers a good day of rest (not too sure about shopkeepers resting though). Worker’s Day brings back memories of the stress of preparing for exams when – admit it or not – even in the later stages of university you were always thankful for a motherly figure refilling the coffee cup and keeping you going physically and morally till exam day. Ten years ago I was in Bruges, delivering my Master’s thesis and though there was no mother around to pamper and encourage, I was always grateful for the supporting phone call.

So it’s thanks again mum 10 years on, and happy 60th birthday. It’s not just the kids at Stella Maris College and the La Sallian Freres who are lucky to have that great headmistress around. It’s also this hard-headed son of yours who does “cause trouble” as you would say – but always in a constant and well-meaning way.

www.akkuza.com promises to be as boringly irrelevant as always this week. Be there or be square (or tabloid).

This article and accompanying Bertoon appeared in today’s edition of The Malta Independent on Sunday.

Categories
Politics

Even Stevens

Fellow Indy columnist Stephen Calleja has penned an obituary and death sentence in one on today’s edition of the Malta Independent. Calleja introduces his column (“Too weak too be called a force”) with the inspired sentence “Another tiddler has called it a day”. For those among us who have little or no knowledge in the jargon of the sea, a tiddler is a fisherman’s term for the three-spined stickleback – in other words “small fry”.

Calleja’s article contains observations that are very similar to the post-electoral observations as such political savants as Pierre Portelli who famously dismissed the “small fry” irritants in a bout of overenthusiastic euphoria when the PN had just scraped into government with a 1,500 vote relative majority. For my sins I will once again point out this twisted mentality that resurfaces at moments of truth: the ideas of “wasted votes”, “experimenting with voting” and “irritant alternatives”. I point them out because since I believe that alternating mediocrity is not beneficial for the long-term outlook of the nation then I must defend the potential third way. I will of course be linked once again with AD but that is the problem of the observer, not mine. My interest is third (fourth, fifth etc) way politics that offer a window of opportunity away from the mediocrity driven mechanisms of today.

Calleja’s article is peppered with the arrogant rhetoric that has dotted the (mostly nationalist) political spin ever since the first EP election scare. While using the excuse of AN’s demise as a ruse his real target is AD. They are wasting people’s time and their own. Those are not exactly Calleja’s words but the rhetoric he borrows from the “wasted vote” spin is there for all to see:

“(…) Alternattiva Demokratika is still struggling to make an impact on Maltese politics, in spite of having been around for more than two decades. Its best result remains the near miss at the first EP elections in 2004, at a time when the Maltese experimented with their vote – just as they do in local council elections – because they knew it would not affect the running of the country.”

There you go. The first clue for AD’s failure is in fact the idea of “experiment”. People will only vote AD when voting AD does not translate into voting for someone else. An inconvenient truth? We’ve been over it time and time again. Fausto will bleed his fingers dry typing an answer to this as his mental processing goes in tilt at the mere mention of the subject. The rules of the game are such as have been drafted to favour alternation – yes it is an added obstacle, yes it is real but it is no reason to give up trying. I believe next time round their is an even stronger reason to cock a snook at the Wasted Vote argument. Given the options – PL or PN, a third party liberal vote would definitely not be wasted. At least not in terms of getting a message across.

The Three Spined Stickleback
Stephen's (Small) Fry

AD has taken part in five general elections, always with miserable results. Their best performance, in fact, remains their first ever participation, when the party was seen to be a novelty and included several candidates who were well known and rather popular as well. In spite of this, the party obtained a meagre 1.69 per cent of the votes. Since then, its share has dwindled in consecutive elections until it slightly rose again in 2008, reaching a still poor 1.31 per cent. If AD could not make an impact when it had the likes of Wenzu Mintoff, Toni Abela, Peppi Azzopardi, Arnold Cassola and Harry Vassallo, then I believe it will continue to crumble even more the next time around.

And then it gets personal. People either voted for a “novelty act” or for the faces behind the party. I guess Calleja means better the devil you know. Look at the list of candidates PLPN offered you over the last ten years. Now look back at Calleja’s argument. See? Better the JPO you know than the Vassallo you don’t. Innit? Calleja would have us believe that AD has “offered little to Maltese politics”. I beg to differ. With their very presence they have offered a constant reminder of the world outside the box. The shenanigans of the PLPN crowd in order to preserve their mediocre alternation would not stand out so ugligly if there were no third party against which to measure them.

Calleja’s article brings little to the discussion than an extension to the nationalist rhetoric on the Wasted Vote.It is a sad confirmation that such ideas are still alive and kicking today and that the obstacles ahead to breaking the mold are huge. I agree with Calleja that AD are not equipped to face this challenge. Where we disagree is with the prescription. Calleja would love for AD to admit they have no future to look forward to so he could return to the game of zero-sum mediocrity. I would advocate for stronger independent ideas. I would advocate for that movement that had been gathering momentum for some time and that could see an opportunity in the next elections to begin the opening up to different ways of thinking. I’d hate to stay in a world of Evens Stevens – black and white politics scraping off the bottom of the intellectual barrel.

Categories
Articles

J'accuse : Traffic

Traffic is an interesting phenomenon. The paths of a multiplicity of freethinking vehicle-driving individuals possessing varying levels of intelligence quotients converge for a short period of time as they attempt to negotiate their own way from A to B. For a short time these paths converge and the momentary confusion of priorities and interpretations on the best way to move forward can have observable scientific consequences that have often been the object of academic study.

Most times, just like magic (and thanks to a prudent observation of a basic set of rules), the result is a constant parallel movement, such as is observable among the shoals, packs and prides of the animal kingdom. Other times, due to a myriad factors beyond the control of the group as a whole, a sinister event occurs: the momentum is lost, the various components slow down to a standstill and before you know it you have what we call a “traffic jam”.

Observations of traffic movements have shown that the so-called “butterfly effect” (sudden slowing down causing stoppages further back) can be initiated by a single abrupt manoeuvre (sudden swerving or readjusting of direction) without any actual accidents having happened. On the other hand, when a truck’s jib hits a pedestrian bridge above one of the main arteries on a small island, what you get is not a butterfly effect but a national disaster that is almost equivalent to the much feared “gridlock” in large cities.

One particular bit of news that struck me from the reporting of the Triq Aldo Moro accident – apart from the four hours it took to resume normal service – was the observation of the negative effects of egocentric drivers who put their plight above everyone else’s with the result of increasing and worsening the congestion. It reminded me of particular drivers in Malta who are eager to overtake to win those extra 10 metres towards their destination – as though having overtaken one more driver would make a world of a difference.

I have often thought that given universal automated cars limited to travelling at speeds of 40km/h Maltese traffic would be much more efficient than it is now. But that would mean foregoing the right to be individual oafs of the road… Can you imagine? After the hunters (or part-time farmers) all we need is a drivers lobby!

Congested skies

Another kind of traffic is still dominating the headlines worldwide. The ban on flying that started with the eruption of the unpronounceable Icelandic volcano has been lifted. As the dust settles, the continent examines its original reaction and tries to fine-tune its plans should a similar event occur in the future. The “prudence v money” argument is a no-brainer for me. I would rather be stuck on the ground than hurtling towards it at breakneck speed thanks to multiple engine failure thank you very much.

It’s not just that. It’s also the fact that given the reluctance of certain airlines to grant consumers their basic rights, I’d rather not think of what other penny-pinching schemes they come up with in order to scrounge on costly security checks. The Ryanair conundrum was a particularly amusing scenario this weekend (at least for those who did not have to fly with them). You see, the inspired flawed-cost airline decided to inform all of its stranded passengers that it only felt obliged to reimburse them with the full cost of whatever they had paid in the first place. No hotel bills, no feeding costs for Ryanair. Only the €4 (or so) that you paid for the ticket. There’s an eye opener if ever was needed – you get what you pay for with Ryanair. Nothing less. Nothing more.

Mass repentance

Every cloud has a silver lining and Pope B-XVI’s visit will not, after all, be remembered for the early reactions to an artistic decoration installed on a traffic roundabout. Instead, the Pope’s stay in Malta has echoed all over the world for the unscheduled visit with the victims of abuse. On mediatic terms this was a winner for Malta – it is comparable to the Bush-Gorbachev visit in 1989 that was a crucial step towards the end of the Cold War. Benedict XVI’s visit gave a human, repenting face to an institution that still has a lot of decisions and answers to give but that showed these first steps in his “meeting in Malta”.

I cannot stop repeating that the Roman Catholic Church is not a democratic institution and that people inside the Church (let alone those outside) cannot expect it to change its ways on a referendum style basis. On the other hand, there are some consequences of the actions of members of the Church (with a big C) that cannot only be dealt with within the institution.

I am not one to judge whether priests should be celibate or – that is a question of faith. I am even loath to create links between celibacy and the atrocious stories of abuse we have heard. What I definitely feel well positioned to judge – as a lay citizen – is the civil and criminal responsibilities of whoever commits such atrocities. No Catholic Church authority, or any other religious authority for that matter, can substitute itself for the law. Ecclesiastic immunity ended a long, long time ago.

Third ways

Most times, when you are stuck in a jam you desperately look for a way out. While it is not always possible, sometimes you find that you can take the long way faster. European politics seems to be heading towards a sort of impasse. Government incumbents are burdened with a track record tainted by recession and blockage. The natural oppositions seem to be all opportunistic talk and no substance – of the “same, same but different” type. The instability of this “crisis” point is leading to the surfacing of more and more third way alternatives. Witness the Clegg phenomenon in the UK and the threatened split by Gianfranco Fini in Berlusconi’s PdL.

It may be early days but we may be about to witness the first reactions to the fact that duopolistic politics for the sake of duopolistic politics does not really work. It will all boil down to voters’ changing habits (in the UK – for now Fini will criticise from within, but for how long?). Are there enough elements to provoke them away from their habitual voting patterns? Will the “either/or” formula still work for much longer? The Internet and new media might hold the key to open new doors in participative and representative democracy.

Blog traffic

Traffic on J’accuse slowed to an abrupt halt this week as I went on a happy trip of pushing the wrong buttons risking the very existence of www.akkuza.com in the process. Thanks to the hard work of net-savvier colleagues of mine (thanks Simon!), the world as we know it was saved and J’accuse is back up and running. In this edition of the Independent on Sunday you will also find a page of posts from the TH!NK3 competition. They are a sample of the hundreds of blog posts from around the world discussing the UN Millennium Goals and the Development World. Do check it out and if you like what you see go to www.thinkaboutit.eu for more.

Speaking of traffic, it turns out that the man who had been pointing fingers and playing the victim in 2006 had been busy generating a high traffic of phone calls to referees and the like. Massimo Moratti’s Inter-cettati have been on a roll since they fed off the carcass of the World Cup Winning Juventus team (10/11 players in Italian squad) in 2006. Every “achievement” of the past four years must be seen in the perspective of their having neutralised their opponents off the pitch.

Inter-cettati might feel happy to have legal prescription on their side but that only means that rather than pay for their deeds as Juve have done, they will have to live with the stain on their “achievements” – give me Serie B any day than a scudetto or Champions League won with the sweat of hypocrisy and strength of jealousy.

www.akkuza.com is up and running again. We are now also twitter compatible – highlight your fav quote from j’accuse and tweet it. It also works on mobile phones – so you can do it when you’re in your next traffic jam!